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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you are going to feel differently toward biological and adopted children YOU SHOULD NOT ADOPT - you have children - really... those kids will know it and you are not doing right by them as it will impact them.  My husband has three bio kids and we have our adopted child - if anything he is more in love with our adopted child because of our situation and such... it has nothing to do with the child but circumstances.  And if you feel differently to your adopted child then you should never adopt a second child...there are plenty of families trying to adopt who can't or having a hard time... let them adopt as they truly want to and will love those children and bond with them as you cannot.  Your feelings will not change as you have made up your mind that this is how you feel and "hoping" if it hasn't happened now - isn't going to change...its really ashamed for those kids.  I don't mean to sound harsh but its something people should think about before they adopt - some people just can't open themselves up in the same way and that's ok, but then don't adopt, especially twice or more.

My child is my child regardless of if I gave birth to him or not.  I very much wanted him, I very much want him and he is every bit the child I would imagine to be mine if I were to "pick" out a child...blood related or not. He is mine through and through...and you can ask anyone who knows me, including his birthparents if this is how I really feel and everyone will tell you as it isn't something you even need to express.  You can see it...pure love.[/quote]

I think it should be noted that neither I, nor the following poster said we DON'T love our adopted children, only that it's different.  I absolutely love and WANT my adopted kids.  They came to our family at older ages and the process IS different.  I don't think there's any reason why it has to be the SAME.  All my children are treated with love.  I don't treat any of them EXACTLY the same as that would be impossible.  I react to them based on our experiences and the child's needs.  It's not the SAME but it doesn't mean that I love them any less.  I do "hope" that it will be more automatic and we won't have as many "issues" to react to as time goes on and we all learn to trust each other more.  I don't think that's a shame at all as you said--in fact, who wouldn't hope that their children adjust to the family and feel comfortable there?!  My children are ALL my children and I don't mean to suggest anything different.  But I would by lying if I didn't admit that it's different.  My biological children have the benefit of having been attached and bonded to our family since birth.  My adopted children didn't get that benefit and so we have to consciously work to cement those bonds.  Someone compared it to a husband/wife relationship and I would agree with that.  But I didn't marry my husband the day I met him either.  We fell in love and became to committed to each other through a process which took time.  And I love him more every day.  Just as I do ALL of my children.  [/quote]

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