Reply to Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.

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Reply to "Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]After 400 or so replies of women pulling a muscle patting themselves on the back for having such understanding spouses who they could talk with about this subject so maturely, I don't recall even *one* reply that said "we talked about this and DH agreed to take my last name" or "we talked about this and DH was fine with me keeping my last name *and* having the kids use my last name".

It's all "DH told me how much it would mean, so I agreed to use his last name". Or "DH didn't mind me keeping my last name and we used his last name for the kids".

The majority of you are telling OP how horrible her fiancé is for not considering this, or not being willing to let the kids use her last name - well how many of you would have ended up in a big discussion if you had insisted that the kids use your last name? I'm betting >90%. Your fiancés would have not been happy in the least.

A few DH's agreed to hyphenated - but I'll bet they had an opinion as to whether their name was first or last.

Some women said they used their last name as the middle and the man's last name as the kid's last name. How come not one couple decided to put the father's last name as the middle and the mother's last name for the kid's last name?

OP has just pushed something none of you pushed. It's ridiculous to advise OP to break up this engagement because their fiancé is so unwilling to compromise. Every one of your fiancés would have balked as well, if you requested they take the your last name, or at the least, agree that the kids will have the mom's last name.[/quote]

Hey…DH and I are that *one couple* and I know we are not alone here at DCUM.  We kept our own names and our son has my last name.  We are very happy with it.  At my urging, we included DH’s name as a middle name only b/c I feared he would later regret not including his name at all, but truly he didn’t really feel that strongly about it.  We both prefer my name and my family of origin.  His family have been peeved about it but they’re generally peevish so it doesn’t bother either of us.  [/quote]

We are also “that one couple”. And yes, we even discussed us all taking a third name that we both liked but in the end he wanted to keep his, I wanted to keep mine, and we gave the kids my name and they don’t have his name at all but of course he’s on the birth certificates. It’s turned out fine.
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