Reply to Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.

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Reply to "Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Tell him you’re keeping your own name and the kids that come out of your body will also have your name. (This is very normal these days.)  He’s welcome to join if he wants consistency.[/quote]

I already told him that and he didn't like it. He found the proposal offensive.[/quote]

Red flag. Not someone I would marry.[/quote]

I kept my name and don't see this a red flag on his part, unless you also consider it a red flag on OP's.

It's one thing for each partner to keep their birth names, it's another for one partner to demand that they use their ln for hypothetical kids or make up a new name. That's an ultimatum, not really a discussion. What would you say if the roles were reversed?[/quote]

I think the red flag isn't so much people's stances as it is how they communicate.  In the grand scheme of partner disagreements, this one really isn't that big of a deal.  But how you handle disagreement matters.[/quote]

This!!

[b]And the fact that op doesn't know his views on gender. [/b]

There's no benefit of leaving that as a surprise for after you walk down the aisle. Have ALL the discussions now, or at least as many as you can think of. If you go forward, I highly recommend premarital counseling.

Actually I recommend pre marital counseling to everyone, even the most communicative couples. It was really great to have facilitated conversations and full a box of problem solving tools to use because life gets tricky. [/quote]

This!

OP, to me, the red flag in your post is that you might not know each other as well as you think. And while I think the resolution of this conversation might lead you to decide not to marry this guy, it's a little surprising that this was your immediate reaction. Are there other things that are giving you pause?[/quote]

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