Reply to How do you stay married to an ASD HFA Aspergers husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Pp, that hardly sounds like a happy marriage. Mine is like yours, except my DH is social. He will go out with me and my friends, but he has no friends of his own. Aspies mask in public. At home my DH ignores me. His only interest is his job. 
Has anyone tried coaching, and if so, did it work?
Couples therapy was a complete failure for us. DH says he'll make changes, but he can't. He's charming and funny, so he charms the therapist. But making a true emotional connection is impossible for him. Will coaching help? 
I'm so tired of feeling so lonely in my marriage. [/quote]

Charming, masking in public, and gaslighting sound more like narcissism than Asperger Syndrome. I have a masters in special education. I taught at the middle school level. Most children and teens on the autism spectrum would not be socially capable of putting on a different persona in public vs. private. [/quote]

+1. I have a very high IQ kid with ASD and there is no chance he could even for ten minutes fool anyone into thinking he is NT. And while as his mom I think he has charms, I don't think 'charming' is the word people would reach for to describe him. Nor any of the other kids we know with this dx. What the posters are describing seems 100% different, like they have coopted the term to describe bad husbands.[/quote]

I remember telling the middle school psychologist, before I’d heard of HFA, that I thought that I had something similar to autism but not as severe, such that I had some empathy but little ability to give the emotional responses or other nonverbal clues others expected.

Maybe a lot of the spouses described here also have some autism-like communication difficulty that’s not actually autism. 
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