Reply to What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The problem is that after an incredibly long and arduous marathon of raising children, which goes on and on and on and on, during which you put your own needs aside FOR YEARS and give your DC your very lifeblood and life's energy, sacrificing absolutely everything for them to the point where you are finally crawling over the finish line on your hands and knees with your youngest -- THEN you're supposed to apologize for your shortcomings and ask for forgiveness??

Are you f'ing kidding me??????[/quote]

Yes. Decent human beings care about others' feelings and apologize when they mess up, even if it was a small thing. This is what you sign up for when you choose to bring a child into the world. Why would it be otherwise? [/quote]

You are an incredibly selfish and self-centered brat who still sees her or himself as a child who deserves the world to revolve around them. You parents definitely did something wrong in that regard.[/quote]

I'm not saying this as an adult child. I'm saying this as a parent who apologizes to her children, even though the mistakes I have made as a parent are due to things that are not my fault (namely, a terrible upbringing). At this point I honestly don't care what my parents do. I want to be the best mom and human being I can, and sometimes that requires [b]letting go of my own ego and focusing on the child[/b]. [/quote]

That is the mark of a good parent.[/quote]

At some point that just becomes absurd. That point is when the child grows up and becomes an adult. To say parents should continue putting their own ego aside and focus on the child into adulthood is ridiculous and unhealthy and unnecessary. It's warped.[/quote]

Its actually the essence of Buddhism.  Not that i think everyone should be Buddhists, but to get rid of your ego is not a bad thing.  It makes life a lot easier and also lets you deal with the reality of what is happening instead of the delusions that everyone creates in their mind.  Getting rid of your ego in parenting is almost essential as IMO, most parenting issues are due to parents seeing the kids as extensions of themselves instead of separate individuals.  [/quote]

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