Reply to Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I just re-read the thread. It does sound like there is some resentment on the part of the wife, but at least some of that seems to be justified. I mean, it does seem like the ones who the parents helped the most in previous years (sister and BIL) should ideally leap in to help when things get tough in later years. [b]Especially if the mom didn't work so that she could take care of grandkids and now has no SS benefit.[/b]  I realize many families don't/can't work that way.[/quote]

Exactly. It's like OP and his sister (who is now doing well financially) are skipping over this fact that has no doubt contributed to the gravity of this situation in the first place.
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If the mother is on disability then she didn't quit working to babysit the grandchildren did she?  I think that watching the grandchildren was MIL's choice.  Maybe Op didn't agree with his Mom's choice but it was her choice to make and, [b]no, his sister doesn't owe his mom free eldercare now.
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Morally, she absolutely does.[/quote]

No.  She doesn't.  Providing free eldercare to a dementia patient would be hell on earth for most people.  That is precisely why FIL's children should both step up and help him sort all of this out.

Choosing to help out your own daughter by providing childcare for your grandchildren is not the same thing as agreeing to change your mother's Depends. And no mother in their right mind would ever expect such a trade.  [/quote]

I love how you completely let the sister off the hook for elder care — and yet you think this woman’s DIL should provide elder care???

Wow. Just wow.

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