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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m sorry for your heartbreak.  I think it’s for the best.  I sympathize with your sentiment but I think it’s very hard for most people to realize just how much parenthood changes their lives.  there might be room for compromise too- what if you went part time and had a part time nanny?  You might actually prefer that and it’s a safer option in one way  as sahms can get screwed if they leave the workplace entirely and struggle if forced to re-enter.  We chose this route but it meant we bought a house on one salary and with 20% down  to give ourselves  the wiggle room.  That meant a modest house in an exurb.  Make sure you are willing to sacrifice the ‘dream house in north bethesda’ scenario and see if he’s willing to.  Good luck.  Also, I met my spouse at 35 and we have three kids so you still have a chance. [/quote]

It is generally *extremely* risky to be fully and 100% out of the workforce. There are things you lose that may not even occur to you right now (someone who can write you a reference letter, access to other adults and adult conversation, ramifications of 0$ income years for Social Security..).

Even a super low-paying 1x a week gig doing something is valuable, bc you never know. You may also find that your view on this changes when you’re in it. Plus - it can be helpful to have a physical “space” or sphere to go to outside your home where your non-parenting skills are valued and where you are staying current on basic tech and job skills, etc.

(And I say this as someone who fully believes that parenting is its own valuable and full-time job!)

Are you scrappy as a person, in other ways? Can you be flexible/proactive about planning contingencies and considering the above? I think you’re in a stronger position if you state to someone that your preference is SAHM, but you’re aware of the risks and planning/thinking accordingly and generally able to pivot if needed.

Life will throw unexpected things at you. I’d be wary of anyone saying they want to be SAHP but then not expressing proactive planning + flexibility. [/quote]

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