Reply to How do you stay married to an ASD HFA Aspergers husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As the Mom of an Aspie, I have a lot of questions. How long did you date your ASD spouse before you married? How is it possible that you didn’t see the signs while dating? Maybe you did, but chose to ignore? I think it’s impossible for a person to “mask” so much that their spouse wouldn’t know until years after marriage.

I don’t think ASD should be blamed for your relationship problems because it’s always been a part of his personality. What changed your perception of his personality? Did you think you could fix or change his quirks?[/quote]

Hi, 1st time here. Ive been married over 30 years. My niece who with autism children was the one who told me my husband, her uncle has aspergers and hes on the spectrum. No i didnt know. I thought he was a narcissit, a gas lighter, control freak, etc... for years.

I thought he wpuld change, grow up, mature and trear me like i treated him. I waitwd years for that change. Praying, guiding him. Everything always turned into a fight, with his rage. I did all the work at home with 3 boys and my husband and i worked full time and more.

Will i ever be loved the way i deserve, no. Am I happy with him, NO. Do i love him, yes. But he is not the victim, he is happy as long as everything goes his way. I am the victim. And because he is on the spectrum, it is not a free pass to be an ass, lazy, rude, mean, with me, or our kids.

He is a good provider, but thats not all required in a healthy marriage. The fact that i have to constantly teach him the same thing over and over again and again for years is frustrating to say the least, because he loves to argue about everything, he is a know it all, and has millions of excuses when i ask him why he did this or that. So along with all that we are sexless.

Please if your son is not able to make a woman happy, do not allow him to marry. His wife will eventually resent him and possibly hate him. The depression, anxiety, panic attacks and bad health is all true for me from this marriage.  [/quote]

True.

Not parent material.

Not really marriage material either. [/quote]

+2. Agreed.  It is highly genetic.  Look at the communication (lack of) in the ASD spouse's parents and family - that will explain so much.  [/quote]

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