Reply to S/O How do you justify having an affair?

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[quote=Anonymous]I find it hard to believe that most affairs  start because someone because someone has an endless need for validation 
or a lack of empathy or has dastardly tendencies,

I don’t think it was covered here but sometimes feelings just show up out of nowhere, then you realize whats missing in your marriage.  Whether due to neglect or familiarity you begin to notice that all those feelings you forgot about are fired up again and instead of looking for ways that you are alike and happy you may start looking for things in your spouse that promote your differences.  
A few months of you looking for nothing but ways your spouse has changed or doesn’t get you or doesn’t like you, doesn’t love you etc. will drive you towards your new object of affection.  It happens slowly and then all at once and all of a sudden you’re a whole new person with a brand new perspective. 
That new perspective can motivate you to refocus on your marriage but sometimes that new perspective can make you lose hope on your marriage so you can throw up your hands and head right into full blown affair. 
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