Reply to What's the biggest secret you're keeping from your SO?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]That I was not really born into his culture. My parents are dead and I have no siblings or relatives I'm in contact with. DH wanted a girl from his culture and I wanted him, so I lied. His fault for being stupid enough to let something as stupid as "blood" almost come between us.[/quote]

What culture?  [b]Jewish[/b]?  I'm having a hard time imagining many cultures where you could make this work because you're last name at least would often give you away.  [/quote]
Yep. Makes me laugh every time I hear my judgmental asshole mother-in-law say that other couples in which only the father is Jewish don't have "real" Jewish kids. I think to myself, "you don't have real Jewish grandkids either." :lol:[/quote]

Are you going to tell your kids, when they are older?   What if they become Orthodox, and believe they are obligated to follow Jewish law, but would not be if they were not Jewish?  Are you going to keep the lie going for them, and for future SIL's and DIL's? [/quote]
Judaism is a religion. If my kids become ultra religious and follow all the tenets/requirements, then that's that. I see no reason to indulge idiots who would argue that people just like them with Jewish mothers are fine, but they are not Jewish because the wrong parent is Jewish. [/quote]

Judaism is not a religion in the western, christian sense. It is tied with jewish peoplehood.  The core belief is that a set of laws were given by god to the jewish people, present at Sinai, and that it is binding on the descendants of those who accepted that obligation at Sinai.   And those who affirmatively chose to join that people by a conversion, according to Jewish law.  IF your children become Orthodox, that will be their belief, more or less.   Conservative Judaism agrees, and Reform, while it does not accept the distinction between male and female parent, agrees in that its not just a religion - one must have one Jewish parent of any gender, or else convert.

Now it is possible that they will take a view of Judaism similar to yours, or they may become Reform (in which case they would be born Jews based on their father).  But if they are not, it should, I think, be up to them to decide if they wish to remain gentiles, or convert to Judaism.   By not informing them, ever, you are in effect making the choice for them.   That is why lying is fundamentally an exercise of power over others.

I am sorry you got yourself caught in this situation by your choosing to use dishonesty as a weapon in support of your ideological dislike of your husband's family's faith.  I hope at some point, after your inlaws and perhaps your husband are dead, you will tell your children the truth and let them make their own choices. [/quote]
I think you're more worried than PP is. Relax.[/quote]

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