Reply to Nephew with celiac - what is fair/appropriate when visiting grandma?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - greetings from well north of nowhere!  I wasn't sure I should check back in but I guess there is enough interest that it is only fair, considering all the support I got (thanks guys!).  If I wanted to write a spinoff it would be titled 'hungry and tired in the north woods.'  It is day 3 and my kids have survived by eating a lot of snacks including all the GF junk food people keep giving them, the occasional piece of fruit or cheese stick, and a few clandestine turkey and pb/j sandwiches made on paper plates in our room and eaten down at the dock with a good hand washing thereafter (these were the rules of the road).  So pushing DH to get that one allowance has really saved us, because they have refused to eat any of the GF options (again, thanks to those who helped me decide this was reasonable).  Not that I can blame them.  One fact I failed to mention is that MIL is a bad cook in the best of circumstances, so combine that with the GF restriction (no frozen garlic bread as a backup) and the poor shopping options (nearest decent market over an hour away), and let's just say I'm pretty hungry too (for ex. Barbecued chicken made with boneless skinless breasts = dried out shoe leather; frozen ribs, prepackaged with bbq sauce, cooked in oven = mush on the bone).  She has been controlling the kitchen for every single meal, so there is no polite way for me to get in there and cook myself something decent, and not much in the way of ingredients anyway (I did pull off a few scrambled eggs yesterday thank goodness, but it isn't as if there is a farmers market nearby so I could offer to grill some veggies for everyone).

As for the tired part... Remember those who said BIL and SIL sounded selfish?  I never chimed in on that - I would not have said so at the time, but guess who has been wandering into the main cabin at 6:30 am with baby and toddler every morning... I asked DH to ask them to give us until 7 at least, since it isn't as if they can't make the baby a bottle at the guest cabin.

All in all it has been not my idea of a good time, but you guys helped me at least keep my kids fed so many thanks. As far as the recent debate about skipping it, I would absolutely have been in huge trouble with the family for doing that, but I pulled my husband aside already and explained that this feels like prison to me, being told when I can sleep (when the party leaves the main cabin), when to wake up (when they arrive back), when and what I can eat, and none of it good, and that with as little vacation as I get I really don't want to do this again.  That conversation didn't go so well but I can move that discussion over to the relationship forum :-)[/quote]

Sounds really bad. I am one of the people who chimed in against you with a child with celiac disease. She is young and it is hard. We have done vacations with our family, and while they are very accommodating, so were we. When we had big family meals, I would cook them gluten free and I'm a really good cook. The other families ate gluten when we didn't have big meals, but they washed their hands afterwards and I just kept LO with celiac away. I cleaned profusely to make sure there would be no crumbs, but the other families did the same so that she didn't ingest anything that would harm her. Sounds like you got a bum deal with the gluten free and you had some family members that weren't as accommodating.

I want to stress that the celiac struggle is real. Your SIL and BIL are very selfish, and should have accommodated your family as well, but it is hard for them. Your MIL being a bad cook is a side issue that I think sucks the most. You could have had hot dogs with no bread and a side of mac and cheese that is well cooked, and that would have been an awesome dinner. Hamburgers and French fries could be another night. Gluten free pizza on a Schar crust would have been good too. Sounds like the planning on their end was pretty terrible. I work endlessly to make gluten free food taste palatable. My child is both a celiac and picky, which sucks so much. I think you did a fine job. Thank you for trying to accommodate.

I think what really stings for me is that people keep saying things like "gluten free food is disgusting" or "gluten isn't like an allergy, the kid won't have a reaction". But the reaction is internal, and can be very bad. It isn't an allergy. The reaction provides damage to your internal organs. It causes developmental delays. It can lead to a host of other autoimmune diseases. It is serious. So trying to accommodate, instead of dismissing them, is the compassionate way to go. I think you did a great job. I think the fight here is against the PPs that are so dismissive of your nephew and his families struggles with this. The PPs that would really chose not to vacation with these family members. I would feel so hurt if my family chose not to vacation with us because of our daughter's diagnosis. It is cruel and hurtful.

OP - please know that there are gluten free foods that picky kids can eat. Our diagnosis is recent, so our child had time to develop very picky tastes before getting diagnosed. I just hate that you had a rough time where you couldn't find anything for your kids to eat. Hopefully your SIL, in her attempt to make food that her 2 year old will eat, will figure out how to cook and you guys can enjoy big family meals together! [/quote]

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