Reply to When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage

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Reply to "When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's not a normal sex life.  Perhaps you have been watching too much porn.  A normal sex life has ebbs and flows.  If she is as low drive as you say there are things to win her back- give her footrubs, make foreplay something that lasts all day.  Take her out to dinner, draw her a bath, do small things to make her feel appreciated.

But I'm sure you will shoot all these down and say either youve done everything (which is bullshit) or that you shouldn't have to.  What you dont realize that your whiny, "poor me" attitude is such a turnoff- to me, the other women on this thread, and i'm sure to your poor wife.[/quote]

"Ebbs and flows" is not a problem for me. But "raising children" is not an ebb or a flow. My wife would have happily "sacrificed" sex for maybe 18 years so she could focus 100% on the kids. Sorry, I love my kids, but that's just not acceptable. Ebb and flow .. maybe some serious illness, or extended travel? But aside from that, I can't think of too many legitimate reasons why a sexless week should occur. How cool would you be if your partner wasn't meeting one of your important needs for weeks, blaming it on some mysterious and boundless "ebb or flow"?

[b]Footrubs to win her back![/b] You know, that is hysterical, but I will overlook that and say that if my wife had just friggen told me that [b]footrubs[/b] were the reason she wasn't interested in sex, well I'd be doing footrubs. I will say that I did what I consider to be a FAR more than reasonable effort to "win her back" (although I never did anything to "lose her" in the first place).

Want to know the only thing that worked? I upped the stakes and put [u]our entire marriage on the table[/u]. Yes, that's right. I was willing to [b]blow up the household[/b] and our 10 year marriage and sell the house and split time with the kids ... all over [u]sex[/u].

Once she heard it in those terms, that her cushy life was going to get a LOT harder, suddenly the concept of sex twice a week with a hard working, good looking, high earning, physically fit man (who was happy to meet all of her reasonable needs) this did not sound like a bad deal to her.  This is what it took to break her out of her FOG of pure selfish motherhood. In her mind, she was doing everything for the kids, and (generally) I am fine with the kids as a priority. I am NOT fine with sex always being the LAST thing on her list.

And years later... know what? [b]She thanks me for it[/b].

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