Reply to Former Lt. Gov. Justin Fairfax

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are some real ogres on this thread.

Mrs. Fairfax is the victim.  She likely was trying to do what was best for the kids.  So sad.

Remember, at one time she loved him--maybe, she still did.  Just proves that if a smart, educated woman cannot figure this out, how can those with fewer advantages?

[/quote]

Yes we know she was the victim. That is totally clear. And maybe this was the inevitable outcome no matter what she did. But I think it is really important for women to know that bad situations can get worse and nothing is worth staying with a spiraling or unstable man. Do what you can to get out even if it means living in a small apartment, your kids switching schools, whatever. Call a lawyer with DV experience and figure it out. [/quote]

Stop. There is nothing to “figure out” here. She had a lawyer, she had a court proceeding, and the judge was more focused on giving her husband hype talks as if that man had anything good left to salvage, than protecting her.

There is a reason why women in this situation kidnap their kids and go into hiding - it’s because that is your only option. And for a woman who grew up dirt poor, I’m sure she wanted to do all she could to spare her children from that same fate. [/quote]

She told friends her lawyer advised her she’d risk being found to have abandoned the home if she moved out. [/quote]

Then she got bad legal advice. There is no legal requirement that you extend the misery of living with someone spiraling for years while a divorce moves forward. Or you prioritize your stability over the prospect that you could lose some equity. [/quote]

Well, if you want to keep your kids, there is. You keep on glossing over that. [/quote]

You don’t lose custody of your kids if you move out and get a temporary custody plan.

You are not helping women here. [/quote]

That means leaving the children alone with a violent abuser. Please be honest about what you are recommending women do here. You are saying abused women should move out, leave their minor children alone with a violent abusive man, and hope for the best with a temporary custody order.

Be very honest about what your recommendation for abused women is here. Don’t hide behind vagueness. And then tell us why you think your plan is a good idea for abused women. [/quote]

Please be honest about what YOU are saying - women have to stay in the same house even with a dramatic breakdown of the relationship. It’s just not true. It is a difficult situation but there are legal options. Not saying it always works out but the idea of complete lack of power and agency is wrong too. Pick yourself up and get out. [/quote]

You are twisting and turning to avoid saying with specificity what you are saying women married to abuser should do. So, since you won’t be honest, I’ll say it for you: you are saying that women with children in violent abusive relationships should leave their children with the violent abusers and leave the house, then seek temporary custody after having left the children with a violent abuser. That is your recommendation.

You are free to recommend that course of action, but most mothers, even ones being physically abused, will never leave their children unprotected and alone with a violent abuser. [/quote]

And how many times have we seen it play out where a father kills his children to hurt the mother? I don’t blame mothers for not wanting to leave their children.[/quote]

Yup, and Virginia doesn't have a version of Kayden's Law (the Pennsylvania law that was passed in response to one of these situations). In fact very few states do.[/quote]

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