Reply to Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]White people drama! Tee hee! So entertaining. [/quote]

D-Lister drama. That's what makes it so fun to watch and make fun of. D-Listers who think they are A-List.

Meryl Streep would NEVER, chile.[/quote]

You’d be surprised by who is and is not insecure.

Meryl Streep no. But other A listers yes.

It comes down to security. There are good relationships from A to Z listers too.[/quote]

Social media overuse and buccal fat pad removal is a pretty good indicator of how insecure someone is. Slightly off topic but whoever first convinced people to remove the part of their face that makes them look youthful is diabolical. Snatched cheeks is the ugliest "beauty" trend ever.[/quote]

Agree the buccal fat removal is idiotic. As someone who is naturally very thin without a ton of volume in my cheeks, and is in my 40s, I am aware of how rapidly this make you look gaunt or skeletal. TBH I am fine with it -- it's just how my face looks and sometimes I embrace it and sometimes I kind of conceal it with makeup tricks. I went through a period where I felt very self-conscious about it (after I found out a neighbor had referred to me as "severe-looking" -- ouch). But in the end I think that was good because after feeling hurt and sad about it for awhile, I just decided to embrace my inner middle-age-witch and accept that some people might think I look severe or older. Whatever. Maybe if they are scared of me they'll be less likely to piss me off.

All that said, I have come to the conclusion that almost everyone is insecure at least sometimes, and that the real measure of people is how they deal with it. I think this "cool mom group" business is people dealing with it by looking for safety in numbers, but also trying to hide behind their friends a little bit. The older you get, the more I think people need to stand on their own. It's one thing to be in a "girl group" in HS or your 20s when you are figuring out who you are. By your 40s I think most of your friendships should be more 1:1, you should be letting go of this idea that you need some kind of tribe to belong to, and especially if you have kids, your identity should feel a bit more independent. You should not need to dress the same as all your friends (or have the same hair or the same face) just to feel okay with yourself. It just strikes me as immature and fearful. What's the worst that happens if you just stand on your own? Your neighbor calls you severe-looking and the neighborhood kids thing you are a witch. Oh well, lean into it. Maybe I am a witch. Maybe I'm brewing up a potion right now. Better not block my driveway, right? [cackle cackle cackle][/quote]

I disagree. I have conversations frequently with people that feel odd. Usually, it washes out, but when it’s the same person repeatedly, I wonder why it feels odd, and I notice it’s because they want me to feel a certain way: about my house, car, kids. It’s strange too, because some of these people seem to want to be friends. But they don’t seem to get trying to impress people about things they don’t care about isn’t a great strategy? I’m not friends with people like that.

I do have many girlfriend groups. We get silly sometimes. It’s fun. It’s not that deep. Many of my friend groups have lasted decades. None of them care one bit about being “cool.”

I can’t imagine any of my friend groups inviting Ashley Tisdale though. Who wants to manage her feelings during their free time?[/quote]

I don't really understand this comment. No one is telling you that you have to be friends with people you don't like?[/quote]

I disagree with the previous comment. I don’t think people feel insecure to the point where the solution is one-on-one friendships[/quote]

I just prefer 1:1 friendships. There is no drama. If you like each other, you hang out, if you don't, you don't.

I get together with multiple friends at home once, of course, but it's not a "group." Everyone's individual friendships stand on their own. That way if two people don't like each other, it doesn't really impact anyone else. I just hang out with them separately. But I don't plan giant group outings and I never post photos of socializing on social media, so I expect that helps prevent hurt feelings or anyone feeling excluded.[/quote]

That may be your preference, but you stated that most friendships should be that way. Obviously multiple people disagree with that. Again, you do you, but a lot of people enjoy groups.[/quote]

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