Reply to Should grandma go to birthday party or visit with newborn?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sounds like OP’s sibling knew that the second (or third or fourth or whatever) day was OPs kids birthday and that’s why she insisted on grandma visiting on that specific day and not the day after. Some women really are that petty.[/quote]

Yeah I agree.  And honestly I get where OP is coming from because I've always had to be the "agreeable" one to keep the peace and not aggrevate my volatile sister, and it gets old.[/quote]

+1 and unless you have this sibling you absolutely do not understand the dynamics 
[/quote]

I get it, because I do see this dynamic in other families that I have been close to my whole life.  But in this SPECIFIC situation, it's not being manipulative to give birth 3 weeks early and it's normal to call your mother from the hospital and ask her to visit as soon as possible, which in this case is the following day, since she is 6 hours away.  Prior dynamics aside, grandma going to the hospital is 100% the normal thing to do.  But, prior dynamics can never be really ignored, which I'm assuming is why this situation is triggering to a lot of people, OP included.  If the sister has a history of being dramatic and selfish, this seems to play right into that, however, this particular ask is TOTALLY NORMAL for someone to make, dramatic or laid back or anything in between.  And the grandma going right to the hospital, again- it would be unusual for her to say no, that she wouldn't, because she was worried about upsetting her other child who she'd made plans with already- that is something that happens in a family that has really warped dynamics to start with, where someone giving birth would trigger someone else to be jealous that attention was going towards that person "like it always does because she's a drama queen!".  The feeling is probably valid for OP to have, because of their past.  But objectively, it makes OP look like the dramatic one.

Bottom line, OP, is that no one can tell you what the "right" thing for grandma to do is without knowing the nuances of your family dynamics. [/quote]

It's not manipulative to give birth early. It's not manipulative to want your mom. It's absolutely manipulative to insist Grandma can only visit at the time of the party.
You don't get it and that's okay. In fact I'm happy you don't get it because it likely means you have a happy functional family and not a narcissistic sibling [/quote]

My understanding from the OPs post and follow up posts is that it's not so much that grandma has to visit at the same time of day as the party- it's that the sister who gave birth lives 6 hours away.  So if grandma drives first thing the following morning to go visit the sister with her baby in hospital, she won't be able to drive 6 hours back in time for the party- she really does have to choose.  The compromise of  having the birthday celebration and then driving up to see the sister immediately after- so, in the same day- seems very reasonable except for the fact that the sister having the baby said she didn't want grandma to come visit after the party for germ reasons.  Now, reasonable people could agree or disagree on whether or not the germ fear is manipulative, or just post partum hormones and anxiety that anyone could get regarding germs and an infant. But the timing part, to me, was just that the sister giving birth wanted grandma to come right away- which would be the following day- and grandma couldn't do that and then return for the party because there aren't enough hours in the day.

I agree that if everyone were local, and the sister giving birth was like "its a 2pm visit or nothing!", that would be stupid.[/quote]

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