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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - the level of delusion, defensiveness and projection on this thread is epic.

My opinion after reading the “maybe your kid would have ended up with  mental health problems”  and the “people who go to elite colleges are stupid” posts is that people are trying to justify there own parenting styles/children’s outcomes.   To be honest, I’m sympathetic to that reaction because it was mine for years - I didn’t want to compromise my relatively peaceful weekends or laid back summers so I hid behind a wall of excuses and made up fears.

My point is rather banal: if you put more effort into your children you are likely to get better results.  Of course there’s a  point of diminishing returns or even harm.  But I think now that those point were much further off than I realized.  I don’t think my children would have suffered from psychological problems if we did travel sports. And I certainly don’t think my kids would have been rendered helpless if we pushed math more in elementary school.

Ultimately I think we missed opportunities- there’s no way to know if our outcomes would have been better- but I think it’s likely.

Maybe a less controversial way to say it is: as a parent the season to truly help your child is much much shorter than you think.  You really have about 10 years (give or take) 5-14. Before they’re 5. It’s really more about the nitty-gritty of life diapers and wellness checks.  By the time they’re 14 they’re in real competition with their peers (starting spots and SATs).

Don’t give up those 10 year lightly. [/quote]

OP: were you a completely hands-off parent that didn't do anything with your kids? There's an extremely wide range of effort levels between helicopter parent and lazy)uninvolved parent. Neither of the extremes is healthy. The only metrics you seem disappointed by is your kids' colleges and lack of playing sports. Are they actually slackers? What aren't you explaining that's the real cause of your disappointment?[/quote]

OP here: At the time   I thought we were doing a lot- we had the kids in rec sports, we sat with them while they did their homework, met with their teachers, volunteered at swim meets and even coached a few teams early on.  But what we didn’t do (what I now regret) is that we never push into that next level.

The kids were happy and doing well so we didn’t want to push them into advanced math.  They were successful on their rec teams so no travel for us.  I think our motto was good was good enough.

But looking back on it the decision not to take it to the next level was a decision not  to go to thier first choice schools or play the sport they loved for their highschool.

I’m not unhappy with how they turned out or their experience in highschool.  I’m sure they have a great future ahead of them. But it bugs me that I was making decisions years ago and I didn’t connect up the conquenses at the time.

For them they’ve always been happy bright kids and they’re still that way but they weren’t excited to get rejected from thier first and second choice schools or from not making the hs baseball team.  They really loved youth baseball and the ideas niether played an inning of hs ball kills me.   The majority of the pictures of the boys when they were little are baseball pictures.   I just didn’t understand the level of competition. [/quote]

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