Reply to Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I just re-read the thread. It does sound like there is some resentment on the part of the wife, but at least some of that seems to be justified. I mean, it does seem like the ones who the parents helped the most in previous years (sister and BIL) should ideally leap in to help when things get tough in later years. Especially if the mom didn't work so that she could take care of grandkids and now has no SS benefit.  I realize many families don't/can't work that way.[/quote]

The reality is that it never works this way.  Usually when a parent is helping out an adult child in a heavy duty way, that dynamic doesn't suddenly and miraculously reverse when it comes time for the parent to need care.  Maybe that's the way that things are supposed to be but the reality is...no.[/quote]

Truth. Both the parents and OP and his wife have had to help the sister over the years - she's unstable and in a bad marriage. And now that the parents need help, it falls on OP and his wife yet again, while the sister says she can maybe help for a day or two. The resentment is understandable. [/quote]

The thing that I'm picking up on though is the resentment that Op and his wife have over MIL watching the sister's children, but also the fact that Op/his wife now view the sister as well off and therefore able to do X, Y, Z.  This is the part that makes me wonder a bit about Op's version of this whole thing.  It is also the part that makes me think that Op needs to work on being more straightforward with his sister and not keeping her out of the decision making process.  There is some seething jealousy beneath the surface here and it makes me wonder if Op and his wife are not as well established as they claim to be.[/quote]

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