Reply to Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here.

My wife contacted my Dad last night and told him that he needs to apply for Medicaid for in home care and the ongoing plan we have will not work. She encouraged my Dad to take a leave of absence and [b]offered to help on the weekends[/b], but not during the week.

My Dad is going to talk to his HR representative today to look into FMLA for a short time.

Thank you everyone for the suggestions. I feel relieved. [/quote]

NOPE, DO NOT EVER OFFER HELP.

Visits -yes, help - no  and yes, I am screaming it at you. Because it will quickly escalate and you can not help at this stage. Your mom is in decline and needs trained caregivers.  
I watched a couple colleagues from a far go through this with their parents and the moms were the ones in decline and the dads refused to put them in a home. One coworker eventually got fired because he just couldn't keep up. The other coworker ended up having a heart attack. Even after that the dad still insisted he come and help.  He didn't thank goodness.

Your dad is still working so presumably is intelligent and could easily have determined what choices he needs to make and how to make them. He didn't need your wife to do so. He just didn't want to.

Do yourself and your family a favor, do nothing else for your dad.  Visit your mom but don't offer to help. Don't offer to find resources. Nothing.  Let him burn himself out. It's the only way he will accept the inevitable.  Only help when he is willing to do the right thing - get full time care.

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