Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My ex cheated on me. He lost his job for cheating with a co-worker, then left me with two young children. It was awful.  I was devastated and angry and paralyzed with fear.  But I never tried to hurt anyone.  I got therapy for myself and my children. I rebuilt our lives.  I moved on.  Five years later, I remarried.  This was 22 years ago.

You are not the cosmic dispenser of karma.  Getting revenge doesn’t help you heal.  It just continues the pain cycle.  I truly hope you find peace.  Anger and bitterness will destroy you physically and emotionally.  You are allowing yourself to be hurt over and over again.  [/quote]

NP. I am glad you have found your peace.  I agree with you that a human is “not the cosmic dispenser of justice”, but nor do victim spouses have to keep silent about the abuses perpetrated.  Actions have consequences. When my DH cheated, it was not my responsibility to keep that secret.  You may call that “seeking revenge”.  I see it as choosing to live honestly and describe the situation as it was to people. It is not my job to cover up DH’s lies in order to save face for him.

Living honestly, and seeing justice served for his abuses did help me heal.  Is it a magic recovery bullet? No, one also has to rebuild life.  But, setting consequences and boundaries is also important to recovery.  Otherwise you will be allowing yourself to be hurt over and over again. [/quote]

No one is saying to keep it a secret but all this handrubbing and mustache twirling and "I'll get you my prettyyyyyy" plans to torture someone slowly over years is nutso. It just is. My husband cheated, I called out everyone involved, I let his family and friends know he wasn't shit and then I moved on with life. I don't know or care where those people are or what they are doing. They are losers, why would I pay them anything but dust? [/quote]

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