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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^ it did get better over time but it took some time.

To the pp, it isn’t only about chores.  It’s about turning on her mind.  Only you know what would work best for her.

It’s about how considerate you are, how good attractive you make her feel about herself even when you don’t expect anything sexual for example.  It’s not chores per se, it’s about being mindful of what she’s going through, acknowledging it, helping where it counts.  Not sure if it makes sense.  
[/quote]

Man who had an affair and I get this.  Easier said than done.  I thought about the way I treated AP - flirted with her, made her feel special, listened to her, brought her occasional small gifts - and realized I wasn't doing that for my wife.  Problem is, even if I sent her flirty texts or gifts, she wouldn't be receptive to either.  Point being, the wife has to be responsive to advances for this to work.[/quote]

I think it's about patience.  How long has it been since you put in the effort for your wife, especially after kids were born (I assume it's kids you both wanted).  So expecting that now you start doing these things now will immediately lead to results doesn't make logical sense.  Think about it:  you treat someone else better than your wife who is doing all of this work for your family and then expect more out of your wife?  This is why I often want to ask:  how about you do all of the stuff your wife does for home/kids/social life for a year and ask her that she focuses on herself/sex drive and then see what happens?

I think how a wife feels about herself is somewhat of a reflection on how the husband treats her.  Therefore, I don't buy the premise that a husband cheats because of no sex in the marriage.  My question is what kind of a husband has he been to the wife?  That is why I believe cheating by a husband is an action that has to stand on it own. [/quote]

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