Reply to IVF embryo error, custody settlement

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As someone who's a couple weeks off the birth of my second I just can't see divorcing the connection you have with a baby you carry, not unless you're a knowing surrogate going in and are putting that mental distance in already.

I talk to him, notice his patterns, notice his hiccups, etc.  We see him in the ultrasounds and my husband watches him kick.   To me that's a connection that's separate from DNA. I'm in the thick of it right now but I had the same with my first kid too.

So if this couple had no reason to suspect this baby wasn't their genetic kid, mom would have gone through the same bonding and feelings.

I just can't dismiss that easily.[/quote]

Nobody is suggesting that the woman who carried the baby for 9 months didn’t feel a bond.

Rather, some of us are baffled as to [b]why this woman’s feelings trump doing what’s best for the baby longterm.[/b]

If someone could magically swap out this baby with one genetically connected to the white parents, I bet they would agree to the swap. [/quote]

I don’t understand the assumption above about what’s best for the baby. It sounds as though both sets of parents are equally able to provide good parenting and a loving home for this baby. Since the baby is already bonded with the family she was born into, wouldn’t it be traumatic to take her and give her to a different family now? Even if they are her genetic parents?[/quote]

We don't know that both sets of parents are "equally able" to provide good parenting for the child. We don't have information about the biological parents, but we do know that birth parent are unmarried, a different race from the child, and begging for money from Go Fund Me.

The birth parents knew immediately upon birth that this was not their genetic child. Within a few months, they located the bio parents. Had the birth parents wanted to minimize trauma for the child (as opposed to themselves), they could've surrendered the baby to the bio parents then.

Instead, the birth parents made clear that they intended to keep the baby. They also sued for money (not that I blame them), ran a Go Fund Me, and [b]took the story public[/b].

[/quote]

They were trying to track down the bio parents because the clinic was no help. I'm not saying the birth parents are fantastic people or anything, but we know nothing about the bio parents whatsoever and have no basis to conclude that they are better or more fit from the information available. People here are just filling in with their own projections.

It's possible the bio parents would have been the best and most loving parents with the most sympathetic circumstances. It's also possible the bio parents are 70 years old, the embryo had been frozen for decades, the bio parents are divorced/impoverished/in bad health/felons/etc. We. Do. Not. Know.  [/quote]

Stop making things up. The baby is now with a couple that isn’t married, need money, with questionable employment. Sounds pretty bad. I doubt they would ever be adoption candidates.[/quote]

We. Don’t. Know. Anything. About. The. Bio. Parents.[/quote]
We know about the white couple. Keep up.[/quote]

They desperately wanted a baby and went through IVF and the sister set up a gofundme? I don’t love the gofundme but that hardly make someone a bad parent. They might be bad, but I don’t think the evidence we have indicates that they are, much less that the bio parents we know nothing about are obviously better.[/quote]

Odds are the child will believe her bio parents would have been the easier path forward. [/quote]

You have no odds or individualized information. You're just projecting your personal values. [/quote]

How many non-white adoptees do you know? I know several who were raised by lovely white parents. And all of them have said they wish they had been raised by their birth parents. [/quote]

My BIL is black raised by white parents who tried hard but he is pretty distant and aloof now. He never felt like he fit in.[/quote]

He should try finding his bio parents and seeing how they live, may or may not cure the moping [/quote]

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