Reply to If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.

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Reply to "If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Do you feel it's up to your spouse to make you want more sex?

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I think he has an obligation to try, yes, just like I do.  It's called compromise.  Try it sometime.[/quote]

Do you ever want sex just for sex's sake, or is it always about making love for you? This is one thing I do not think LD spouses, especially LD women, understand.  Sex can (and should, IMO) cover the full range of desire - pure physicality, almost pure emotional connection and every kind of lovemaking in between. If you insist that your partner try to make you want sex every time, that's not going to lead to more sex.[/quote]

No, frankly, I don't ever want sex just for the sake of it anymore.  I can't gin up some physical "want" that I don't have.  Does this make me an evil troll?  I guess to you it does.  So again, I say, WTF am I supposed to do to address the lack of physical desire?  I'm not in control of my physiology in that aspect anymore than you sex-crazed HD's are in charge of yours.  I am willing to work with DH to create a sex life that works for both of us.  Somehow that's apparently not good enough, and I should flagellate myself daily to atone for the deep, dark sin of not wanting to have sex constantly.[/quote]

No, but you could try to be accommodating. See your partner's desires as real. Help them out in ways that don't gross you out that much. Make them feel that their desires don't make them horrible, disgusting people who don't deserve sex except those very rare, special times that they've managed to do an inhuman number of things right. For example. Or let them have sex with other people! You don't get to hold your spouse's sex life hostage by marrying them. Or you shouldn't get to.

OP - Dan Savage addresses this very issue a whole lot in a very non-prudish, perhaps even excessively non-prudish, way in his column and his podcast. Try asking him what you should do. [/quote]

The formatting on this came out weird. I was trying to respond to the person who said that they can't gin up the physical want, and asked if it makes them an evil troll. I don't know about evil, but refusing to give your partner sex, and also refusing to let them have sex with other people, does make you a jailer of sorts.

I'm a woman, too.[/quote]

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