Reply to Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]O [b]they realize a marriage with a white chick won't last if they constantly act like it's my way or the highway.[/b]

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x1000. Many Americans women don't realize how good they have it with American men. The kind of treatment you get from an American man, in most of South Asia or Africa, you will never be treated in an equal manner the way an American man will treat you. And despite this most marriages end up failing. I am always amazed when I see the guys here doing stuff like grocery shopping, chores at home, etc. , as an African woman I am envious. [/quote]

Funny you say this because my parents immigrated from India in the 70s - same deal, wife does EVERYTHING. I remember being a kid in the 90s and my mom STILL being mystified because she went to the grocery store on a Saturday morning and there were so many MEN there doing full cartloads of shopping for the family and some men even brought the 4 year old along. LOL to her that was the most AMAZING thing because to most Indian guys who immigrated back then and brought over an Indian wife going to the grocery store is something you did once in a year as a "favor" to your wife because you were out of milk and desperately needed another gallon and she couldn't get to the store; and even then that "favor" was very much remembered as he'd later be like - uh make sure you get enough milk for our child next time. Because making sure his child had enough to eat was not dad's problem.[/quote]

Wow!! No one in my vast Indian community in this area is married to such an Indian man. I wonder if it is actually a SES issue rather than the issue of a group?  People who came from well educated and fairly prosperous families in India have a very different mindset.

I immigrated in 1990's.  My DH has always done more than me at home, regardless of when I was a WOHM or a SAHM. I have always paid very well to get domestic help - cleaners, landscapers, [b]cooks [/b]- even on very modest salary.  The reason is that DH and I have heavily prioritized our time spent with our children and essentially we are buying our time back when we outsource time consuming domestic chores. 
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You hired cooks in the US on a modest salary? How did you manage that?[/quote]
If you live in places in the US that have a sizable Indian population you can either get aunties to come and cook in your home or pick up ready-made meals, often a few days or a week’s worth of food. The prices are very reasonable. [/quote]

Op here. I don't have time to go through this but dh told me just now for $7 a MONTH his mom employs a maid to clean the floors and dishes. I don't believe that.  I think she gets more. Dh has been gone so long I think he gets mixed up sometimes. [/quote]

That really sounds like exploitation.  Even with the exchange rate.  
In India in cities like Delhi, Bangalore, Mumbai maids are paid quite well.  I remember seeing a photo essay about the Bangladeshi upper class women who employ housemaids and their maids sitting side by side.

[img]https://www.designindaba.com/sites/default/files/styles/scaledlarge/public/node/news/24619/gallery/close-distance16c8fa470484be7b69be5daae77a1602c5.jpg?itok=_c8ya4iB[/img]

In Delhi, my mom employs 4 part time maids - sweeping and mopping, bathroom washing, dish washing, dusting, sweeping the yard and cooking food.  She is paying 35K Indian rupees (420 $) per month.  Each of these maids make around 25-35K each month from working in multiple homes, and that is almost as much as someone would make working in a call center.

My mom is generous with tips during holidays because she knows that her household is running smoothly thanks to these ladies. In fact, when we visit my mom, we also tip generously and take gifts from the US for them because don't want them to feel that they had to work harder because we were visiting.  My MIL is the same. She wants all of us to give at least $50- $100 to each of the servants when our visit concludes. And frankly, we are happy to do that.

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