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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why does it matter as you are grown?   I am the second wife.  We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal.  Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.  [/quote]
Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.[/quote]

Not np.  I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could.  I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact.  But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds.  Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any.  Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood.  I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice.  They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.[/quote]

Nicely said.  The adult kids and their kids are always welcome in our home but we will not be funding their adult lives as they are adults.  If the relationship is only about money, then it’s not a relationship worth us chasing and forcing.[/quote]
It’s your husband’s money, second wife.  :lol: [/quote]

It crazy how the 2nd wives are like… my h can spend his money any way he wants as long as it’s on me and my kids and not his adult children.

They keep saying “they are adults they don’t need his money” but they are also adults and need his money.[/quote]

Are you married? Presumably you understand that when you get married, there is no "his" money, especially with regard to earned income.  It's "our" money.  In marriage, one person doesn't make unilateral decisions about the couple's money, especially when a couple has young, dependent children at home.  If there's not enough money to financially support adult children and care for young children, then obviously something has to give, and it's not the young, dependent children.  That's just the nature of parenting.  If you have young children of your own, then surely you wouldn't choose to finance another adult over providing for your young children.  If someone is uber wealthy and can still spread their money around to their adult children indefinitely, that's great, but that like 0.1% of the population.  [/quote]

Yes, i'm married.

Actually legally the money you earn is yours and your spouse has nos rights to earned money (after food and shelter, they can't starve you or kick you out). If you divorce your savings is split 50/50 but earnings is not.

"our" assumes the he can spend it any way he wants, it's his money, right.

When you marry somebody with children you immediately know that some of his earnings and savings will be used for his children adult or not... college/rent/food/weddings/vacations/visits/grandchildren/etc. It's not for you to decide how he will spend his money. That is not how a healthy marriage works.

If there is not enough then the wife should work more or have less children. People only have 2 kids all the time due to resource issues. If you choose to have kids with somebody who already has kids you have already decided your children will get less resources than somebody who does not already have children.

Providing... food/shelter sure... but after that really it's just a money grab.

The reality is that you need to understand some of his money will go to his adult children and his time and his love and his attention. If you can't share that, you should not be a 2nd wife/ or 3rd or 4th to somebody with children. [/quote]

Okay, all these people on DCUM who are adult children thinking they are entitled to their parents' money are so freaking entitled and nuts.  My parents are married and I don't think that way.  It's not their responsibility to fund MY kids' education.  Is that what it's like to grow up wealthy?  You live your whole lives feeling entitled?  And your parents forever enable you?  Glad we made our own money.  [/quote]

Again, all these 2nd wives thinking they are entitled 100% to their new H's money are so freaking entitled and nuts. I'm married, my parents are married, my in laws are married and they love to take us on vacations, or we take our adult kids on vacations, we help each other with projects at their home, they send care packages and money to their adult grandchildren at college. They take weekends away to visit adult children at college or in whatever town they live.  They take them on trips to Europe.

It's up to them how they want to spend their money. If they want to fund an education go for it, but some new wifey and their kids should not stop them from doing with their money what they want to do. Why would you want to stand in the way of their happiness? If you can't care for your own kids for a weekend or a week by yourself don't marry somebody with adult kids. If you are so bent out of shape by them helping with a wedding for adult children don't marry them. If you think a 21 year old college student doesn't need help with money, you are insane and a little entitled money grubbing gold digger.

You live your whole life feeling entitled because you shake your ars and got a ring? Are you forever a burden, can you not care for yourself and your children. Do you need 100% of your new spouses funds? Did you live off the dole your whole life? If not his money going where ever he wants should not be a problem.

Glad you make your own money but apparently it's not enough you want your H's too. Sad. [/quote]

It’s time for you to grow up and be an adult.  You expect your husband to support you and that is his obligation.  You are the gold digger.  As an adult I expect nothing and would never take money from my parents who have plenty.   No one paid for my wedding and I am not paying for anyone’s.  You get college and can live with us after to save money.  If you choose something different it’s on you.  [/quote]

If you are an adult and don’t need someone’s money stay then don’t complain when your h spends his money on his adult children.

Live how you dictate what he does with his money, classic gold digger [/quote]

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