Reply to Having an overweight teenage daughter is so hard

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]All of this makes me so sad. I missed whether OP ever said what her and the girl’s father’s body sizes and teenage growth trajectories were compared to the daughter.

People who spout “calories in < calories out”, “this is on you”, “have less snacks”, etc. can shove it. Especially the weirdo who wants a teenager to apply for life insurance.

Some bodies are just larger. Some bodies are biologically wired to hang on to every calorie. Some bodies are different shapes. When a daughter has a large framed father or obesity in her family tree and becomes larger than her mother as a teen, I agree that is hard for a lot of dumb societal reasons that shouldn’t matter, but they do. People who don’t understand that not all bodies are predisposed to a BMI of 22, have apparently never lived in a larger body. I have had an eating disorder, been a decorated HS athlete, been on ADHD stimulant meds / experienced dopamine seeking eating, and quit smoking. I have been a BMI of 16 and a BMI of 30.

Here’s my advice to OP. 
Buy your daughter clothes that fit and flatter. If they need to be less expensive or more forgiving styles because you fear she’ll grow out of them, tell her it’s a budget constraint - not that you are sick of wasting money on clothes she’ll be too fat to wear next year.
Talk to the doctor about your concerns without her listening. Get her cholesterol and blood pressure checked along with her thyroid. Get her to an Ob/Gyn and have her checked for hormonal issues. If they find anything address is from a health standpoint- not a body size standpoint. 
If all her health markers are good, be aware of how she moves and what she can and can’t do. Work with her or get her a trainer to address any concerns about strength and mobility if it’s limiting her quality of life. Address it as what her body can do. Not what it looks like.

Finally let go. You may have created her in your womb and fed and nurtured her all these years - but her body is her own. It is not yours to police. The size of her body is not a reflection on you or a moral failing in your part or hers. It’s just a body. Taking up space. Attached to someone you love. If people are judging you for her body, that says more about them than you.

Of course our hearts ache when our kids experience negative things. As a woman you know that going through life as a size 16 is harder than if you are a size 6. Some people may ignore her or fail to get to know her. Some people might be cruel to her. Focus on helping her be healthy at any size and being resilient and mentally healthy.  That will help her long term no matter what body size she has as an adult. 
[/quote]

Great advice, kindly given.[/quote]

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