Reply to Support Group for middle aged husbands not having sex

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here's my situation:

Married 15 yrs, sexless for 4 years, 6-18 month stretches sexless before that.  Very active before kids, started going south once we started trying.  Even though DW doesn't enjoy PIV (which is fine - happy to do other things) she usually pushed for that so it would be over faster.  The last time was the worst experience of my life - very clear she just wanted it over with.

I have tried to support her career journey, including SAH and PT when she wanted it.  I do at least half of housework and cooking and almost all work related to yard and cars.  Also pick up kids and help them with their HW since I work from home these days.  I have tried most of the "romance" suggestions on this thread at one time or another except vacation since she doesn't enjoy travel.

We have talked about it and she basically says she is no longer interested.  She has no friends, so I have thought about telling her sister that we are having problems.  (She doesn't want to go to counseling or therapy.)

I am under consideration for a project where I would travel to the same location a few days each week.  If that happens, I am planning to tell her that I am not planning to be celibate while I am there.  I think she will then file for divorce...
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Good lord. Why did you marry her? But yeah, it sounds like you don't even really like being together, so might as well get divorced.[/quote]

PP here.  We were 3-4 times/week while dating and first part of marriage- didn't change until we started trying to get pregnant.  Only a year between the kids so infrequent sex seemed somewhat normal/expected.  Once the kids turned 5/6 I tried very hard to return to previous frequency - all the romance I mentioned above - but no success.

We actually get along well otherwise and she is a great mother.  I don't want to hurt the kids but it seems unavoidable...[/quote]

Well, if she's not trying, [b]then you should have an affair, keep it quiet, and keep the family together.[/b][/quote]

This is actually the advice of most advice columnists, from Dear Abby to Dear Prudence. If you have made an effort to rekindle your sex life and your spouse refuses, they recommend a discrete affair for the sake of keeping the family intact. if kids are out of the house, they recommend divorce unless one spouse would be left destitute.[/quote]

Please show me where Dear Abby said somebody should have an affair. Or dear prudence. Come on where are you getting this information?[/quote]

+1. This is never their advice.  The laziness of the “just cheat” people astonishes me. The kids arrived, the men dumped all the physical and emotional
labor on their wives, told themselves they “do half” and now are sure they can’t possibly be expected to improve the relationship.

Fun fact: doing more than half is cheaper than being divorced and your kids don’t think you’re the scum of the earth. But sure just cheat instead...

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