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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Okay guys, OP here. Again. I went back and forth on continuing this thread, but ultimately I decided to update.

Many of the comments have been extremely harsh. Honestly though, that is not that shocking considering I am posting to an essentially all women/mother forum. You ladies empathize with the wife’s side, and I get that. It’s actually the relatable and natural position for you to take. I was pleased to see there were some comments that really “heard” where I was coming from. I’m not some complete jerk to my wife. I’m not perfect and neither is she. She has many wonderful qualities, but she can also be unforgiving and hold grudges, so it isn’t the easiest thing to side with her against someone I love.[b] (I also wouldn’t side with someone else against her.)  [/b]

Anyway, I took the advice to drop the idea of my wife and newborn attending the wedding. You all were loud and clear on that point. I have accepted her decision to not attend. I told her I willl be traveling Thursday - Monday and she gave me the green light. The tricky part is my son. She is still refusing to allow me to take him. We had a spirited discussion regarding it and are currently at an impasse. I have spoken to my mom about the situation and she has assured me that she will be happy to help care for my son [b]basically [/b]the whole wedding, anytime I need anything. Due to the issues between my wife and my parents, my parents have spent very very little time with my son. (He is their only grandchild at this time.) So they are very eager. There will also be several Aunts, female cousins and friends of my mother present, [b]some of whom I’m certain would pitch in.[/b]

My wife is being extremely emotional and unwilling to even entertain a calm and rational conversation about me taking my own kid to my brothers wedding. Surely many of you can see that that is not right. Right? She has stated that if i take my son, it will do such irreparable damage to the marriage that we likely wouldn’t survive. How would you respond to this? To those of you who at least can see that I have the right to take my son with me. Help me out here. I’d love to hear how you would frame your argument, and if you’ve ever been in a situation like this before. (One where you disagreed on something regarding your child and how you came to a solution.) [/quote]

You have sided with someone else against her.  You have sided with your parents when they insulted her and belittled her.  You don't think that your parents' treatment of her is a problem.  And honestly, this is the root of the problem, and the fact that you can't see it is the real issue.  Your wife knows that you don't have her back.  She knows that you're not on her side.  She knows that you won't stand up for her.

And "basically" the whole wedding?  Ha.  Her son is getting married.  She is going to have things to do.  She will be busy.  She will have people she wants to visit with.  (Just like you, I might add.)  Who is going to watch him when it's his nap time and you're supposed to be getting ready for the wedding?  Who is going to leave the reception early to put your son to bed and stay with him?  Who is going to take him out of the church (and miss the ceremony) when he starts crying or making noise during the ceremony?  Everyone will be happy to play with a cute little toddler--until it inconveniences them and they have to miss part of the ceremony or the party to deal with him.

Honestly, I think you need to drop this.  The more you push, the more your wife is going to dig in, because, at bottom, this is about your lack of respect for your wife.  [/quote]

I absolutely agree with this poster but come out differently.  You have 6 months before the wedding - this is plenty of time for you to wake up and shape up as a husband and dad.  Your child will survive the wedding and will likely not remember any terrible time and not remember any issues he had being passed around by strangers.  However, that does not excuse you from stepping up and acting like an adult.  There is no credible universe in which you and your can watch your son for the duration of the wedding, let alone the weekend.  The fact that you even been pushing this idea shows that you don't have a clue.  So get one - who will watch your son when you and your mom are busy? The aunts and cousins mentioned above?  Did they agree to this? It would be good for you (not to mention your marriage) to show you have thought this out. Separately, I liked the idea above about taking trips with your son and having your son get to know your family.  You have six months before the wedding; use that time to become a better husband and father.  Start watching your parents behavior.  Try and understand your wife's perspective.  [/quote]

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