Reply to Making time for kids? Study says quality trumps quantity

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP here. I would do anything and everything necessary to be with my kids during the early years. At least from 1-3. Daycare can kick in at 3. And yes, I have done it all: moved to a cheaper area, worked from home, cut expenses etc. etc. Being with my kids absolutely trumps making money. As long as we have enough we have enough. Love, care and time over all are important to a child's early development...being able to afford nice clothes, toys, vacations, camps etc. is not as important to a child's emotional well-being as is being with Mom.

I would never leave an infant in daycare. Never. I would never leave an under 2 year old in daycare. Never. I do judge people who leave their under 2s in daycare because there ALWAYS are other ways. We got by on very little money for a very long time because we changed our priorities. It's not a bad life - just different. So nobody can tell me "I HAD TO leave my 6 months old at daycare 8 hours a day because I HAD TO work." No. You just didn't look hard enough for other options.[/quote]

You're projecting your own emotions onto your kids, but it's understandable.  The fact is, working FT with an infant or a young toddler (especially while still breastfeeding) is hardest on the mom.  The kids will be absolutely fine with a competent caregiver.  Read Sarah Blaffer Hrdy's "Mother Nature" -- it is totally common throughout the primate world to have other women or girls ("allomothers") care for the babies, while the mother goes out to work/forage/hunt. This is because the more mature mother is a competent provider, so it makes evolutionary sense for the baby to be cared for by others.

It's perfectly normal for a new mother to have fiercely protective feelings towards her baby.  This probably ensure that she makes sure that the caregivers are to be trusted -- which may have been easier in a time with tighter social networks.  It's much, much harder when you have to hire essential strangers to do it.  The modern configuration of going away to an office also probably makes it harder.  But don't mistake these MATERNAL feelings with what's good for the baby.  As long as the substitute caregiver is reasonably attentive, the baby is happy.  It's the mom who might suffer.

None of this is to discount the emotions of women who decide to stay home because they have such strong feelings about it.  That's a personal choice, and one I fully understand.  Just don't act like your subjective feelings are the entire reality of the situation.
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