Reply to Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.

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Reply to "Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As a general point, I think a woman who refuses to take her husband’s name is trying a little too hard to make a point.

But I couldn’t care less about their decision. 
It has absolutely nothing to do with me. 
[/quote]

So you think Chinese and Arab women are trying too hard?[/quote]

Chinese women officially don’t change their names but their children always take the husband’s last name and when addresses they are addressed as Mrs husbands last name. They are also viewed as part of the husbands family when married. The only thing they do is not make the last name official in paperwork that’s all. [/quote]

This isn't really true. It is not uncommon in China for the children or some children to take the mother's surname. It happened in pre-1950s China and it is probably even more common today. Happens for a variety of reasons. And really, they are only addressed by husband's surname in more formal settings (and in HK/Taiwanese backgrounds, not so much mainland).[/quote]

They only take the mother’s last name when the man marries into the woman’s family, usually for the goal of continuing the woman’s family name. It’s also considered a great shame to the man and usually done under duress.

And yes formal settings and introductions is when the woman is addressed as Mrs (husbands last name). It’s a very common form of address. And a woman is considered part of the man’s family when married, that’s why boys were preferred. Chinese culture is deeply patriarchal and I don’t know why you are arguing otherwise. On paperwork the woman keeps her last name but in every social setting she is Mrs (husbands last name).[/quote]

Yes and even in such a patriarchal society, women retain their identities. I find it so baffling when American women their own identity after marriage and then end up divorced with their ex husband's name and then have to change it back, until they marry again. It makes women seem like lost puppies looking for an owner. Truly baffling to me. [/quote]

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