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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not even going to bother reading the 24 pages of idiocy this post has prompted.

- Young Gen X Mom who thinks OP is stupid.[/quote]

I’m with you! It takes a few years to figure out how exhausting 3+ kids can be. By the time mom decides to SAH, the couple realizes how expensive 3+ kids can be esp to educate, save for retirement, take care of parents who are getting dementia. But you do you 30-somethings. [/quote]

I find it shocking that people have a third (or fourth or fifth) kid without realizing this. How???? Especially if you are well-educated and in your late 20s or early 30s by the time you start having kids.

I have friends with 3 who have acted surprised about every feature of their family size since the third was born. They were shocked at how expensive 4-5 bedroom houses are. They were shocked when their nanny expected more money for adding an infant to her workload. They were shocked when their food bill went up, when their eldest became jealous of the baby and started acting out, when their vacations became pricier and unwieldy due to the age spread.

I am empathetic -- it does in fact sound very hard. But I can't help wondering why on earth none of this occurred to them before? How can this be a surprise? I don't get it. This is precisely why we didn't have a third kid. We discussed it, we love kids and there are things about it that were very appealing, but the practicalities are just stacked against you.

I'm not against 3 or more kids (I am one of four, my sister has four) but I don't understand how it happens and then people realize "oh, this is harder and more expensive than having two, why didn't anyone tell me????" Uh, we thought you knew! It seems really obvious.[/quote]

Newsflash, lady: they were not actually shocked - they were just venting.[/quote]

They are venting because they are surprised. If they really understood all these aspects of having 3 or more kids, why would they need to vent about this stuff?

Also, the way they vent is like "[b]ong can you believe this?"[/b] and the truth is that yes, of course I believe it. It is obvious to most people. Am I supposed to get worked up that my friend has to pay for two hotel rooms when they travel or their private school didn't offer them more of a discount for their third kid? Why? [/quote]

Only a moron would take the bolded statement literally.  Again, your “friends” (quotes because you’re less a friend and more a judgmental twat) are JUST.VENTING.

Believe it or not, the people who actually HAVE three kids know how much it costs to have three kids better than the folks with one or two kids.  You would think THAT would be obvious.[/quote]

What should be obvious is that no one wants to hear someone whine and complain ("vent") about a choice they made for themselves. It's sympathy seeking and it's an annoying behavior.

I had fewer kids precisely because I did not want to spread all my resources (especially my time and energy) so thin among so many people. This seemed obvious to me. If it was also obvious to you, why did you make that choice? And why are you asking me to feel sorry for you when you apparently knew going in that it would be like this? I feel sorry for your kids instead. They didn't choose it, and your constant complaining about how hard and expensive everything is will feel to them like you resent or regret having them.[/quote]

Pretty much everything in life involves choices, so it sounds like you have zero empathy for anyone. Must be fun! I’m sure you’re awesome to spend time with! [/quote]

I have lots of empathy for people. I also expect the people around me to take responsibility for their choices.

It is not fun to spend time with someone who constantly complains about how hard it is to have three or more kids. You made the choice, now own it. There might be discrete things worth complaining about and of course a friend will listen. But if every time I see you, it's just a laundry list of "it's soooo hard and everything is so expensive and no one understands," I will run out of patience with it. This is the life you chose for yourself. It's not something that just happened to you.[/quote]

So why are you CHOOSING to continue to spend time with people you look down on and then CHOOSING to whine and complain about how annoying they are on an internet message board?  Hanging out with these people isn’t something that just happened to you.  This is the social circle you chose for yourself.

(And thanks for confirming that you’re a twat!)[/quote]

Say you're deeply defensive about your family planning choices without saying you're deeply defensive about your family planning choices.[/quote]

That was considered clever phrasing about 15 years ago.  Why don’t you slink back over to reddit if that’s the best you can do?

(And I’m not defensive in the least.  I just don’t like you.)[/quote]

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