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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not even going to bother reading the 24 pages of idiocy this post has prompted.

- Young Gen X Mom who thinks OP is stupid.[/quote]

I’m with you! It takes a few years to figure out how exhausting 3+ kids can be. By the time mom decides to SAH, the couple realizes how expensive 3+ kids can be esp to educate, save for retirement, take care of parents who are getting dementia. But you do you 30-somethings. [/quote]

I find it shocking that people have a third (or fourth or fifth) kid without realizing this. How???? Especially if you are well-educated and in your late 20s or early 30s by the time you start having kids.

I have friends with 3 who have acted surprised about every feature of their family size since the third was born. They were shocked at how expensive 4-5 bedroom houses are. They were shocked when their nanny expected more money for adding an infant to her workload. They were shocked when their food bill went up, when their eldest became jealous of the baby and started acting out, when their vacations became pricier and unwieldy due to the age spread.

I am empathetic -- it does in fact sound very hard. But I can't help wondering why on earth none of this occurred to them before? How can this be a surprise? I don't get it. This is precisely why we didn't have a third kid. We discussed it, we love kids and there are things about it that were very appealing, but the practicalities are just stacked against you.

I'm not against 3 or more kids (I am one of four, my sister has four) but I don't understand how it happens and then people realize "oh, this is harder and more expensive than having two, why didn't anyone tell me????" Uh, we thought you knew! It seems really obvious.[/quote]

Newsflash, lady: they were not actually shocked - they were just venting.[/quote]

No, I agree that I don't think people with 3+ kids really thought it through, they just wanted more babies but then didn't think about logistics. Have 3+ kids? You'll need 2 hotel rooms or have to pay extra for a cot or make your kids sleep 3 to a bed and they will hate you forever for that. Have 3+ kids? You'll need a bigger car that fits 6+ people in case you need to bring a friend along somewhere. Have 3+ kids? One of them will always feel excluded if it's an odd number.

How do people not think this through???[/quote]

I can’t speak for everyone, but I extensively thought it through before having a third kid. We used to stay at the four seasons type hotels with 2 kids and now we won’t with three because we’ll either need two rooms or a condo. That’s a trade off. Yes, it’s more expensive to have three kids. But we felt we could afford it without making unreasonable compromises. Our kids don’t need to grow up staying at the fanciest hotels, going to Europe every year, or each taking six extracurriculars. They go to a great private school, they can each do a few extracurricular activities every teamster, go to summer camp, and we will take domestic vacations. We have a four bedroom house that we bought before we knew how many kids we’d have. It’s not huge, but my kids don’t need to grow up in a huge house. A lot of people with two kids argue that their kids need all of these extravagant things - they don’t, it’s usually for the parents and things they think their kids “should” have. I’d rather have three kids wearing gap, old navy and target than two kids with a full wardrobe of aviator nation sweatshirts by first grade. [/quote]

I think for most people the resources they worry about having enough of with more kids are time, attention, and energy. Not "four seasons hotel rooms."

That said, I think it's possible to have more kids and give them the time and attention they need, but not every family is set up for it. It depends on your jobs, your normal energy levels, the support around you (especially family, even though terrific nannies can be amazing too, but great, supportive, energetic grandparents are irreplaceable), etc.

I know people with three kids who are doing great and people with three kids who are struggling and the difference is not money but the broader resource picture. The wealthiest couple I know has just one kid because both sets of grandparents have serious care needs and one of them has a job that requires constant travel. Sure, they can afford multiple full time nannies, but they'd still be emotionally and time stretched if they had more kids because of the other demands in their life. I don't view them as less successful for only having one kid -- I view them as smart and thoughtful.[/quote]

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