Reply to Holding my boundary. Let him be mad.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I think  you know deep down it doesn't really matter whose right or wrong here. You could be 100% right and still setting yourself and your family up for failure. If your DH was reading this I'd say the same thing to him.

We all have unresolved baggage from our upbringings that rears its head when we become parents. Unless you find the prospects of a  court mandated 50% custody arrangement appealing (which is what your OP sounds like) you both need to get to therapy ASAP.  If you don't, you're going to start seeing behavioral issues in your daughter sooner rather than later regardless of whether you stay married.[/quote]

All of this. A friend is also very angry a lot of the time and one of her kids has begun hitting, esp her, when she and her husband have tension. Kids feel it and it scares them. They act out or try to draw the focus to them, managing adult moods or being "bad." They went to a child therapist who told them to start a weekly date night and go away for a weekend 1-2 times per year as a couple to reconnect. Said it would help the kids have a feeling of stability.

OP, what was your childhood like? Intact home? Engaged parents? Drinking, depression, any other issues? The rage from your posts is intense. Does your husband drink, have ADD, have other periods of unemployment? How long were you married before your daughter was born? All of the errands and feeling oppressed and burdened and resentful, much of that COULD be outsourced or could involve the 3 of you and be fun time together? I suspect this pattern of isolation and anger is an old one for you. Was your mom a martyr? Not saying your DH is all that great, but the way you are living and how you are stoking your rage is NOT just about him. I suspect your dad was not that engaged and so you married someone similar? [/quote]

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