Reply to 17 Year Old Custody Schedule

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
He should refuse if he has no relationship with his child.  If the job, friends and activities are more important, then that speaks volumes of how mom parented him.  Dad is absolutely right to fight for visitation.  On here when Dad's don't fight, they are slammed, so according to DCUM, he should have gone to court.[/quote]

It is completely developmentally normal for a 17 year old to prioritize job, friends, and activities over spending 48 hours home with his dad. It shows poor knowledge of child development to think that a parent could build a relationship with his 17 year old by expecting him to leave his job, friends and activities half the weekends in a month, and just hang around with dear old dad.

Any parent who wanted to maintain a relationship with his teen - no matter where the child actually lives or sleeps or visits -- would need to understand that. The whole point or developing a relationship is to benefit the child, not the parent! Kids don't exist so parents can get warm fuzzy feelings by keeping them in the house, like a pet, to spend time with you, on your schedule, when you feel like it.

If it's dad's weekend with the kids, that means its Dad's weekend to help the kids have a developmentally appropriate weekend -- which means *some* family time, but mostly facilitating son's access to work, sports, social life, activities. Driving the kid (or letting him have the car) to parties and sports events.

I have full custody of my teens and can tell you the absolute best time for bonding with teens is when you are driving them places. If Dad really wanted a relationship with his 17 year old, he'd be spending 90 minutes driving his kid to events on the weekends, learning who was having a party and where they live...

THAT'S how you bond with teenagers. Figuring who gets the car and for how long.  My kids don't have a car but we spend a lot of time just talking logistics - who gets the care when, who picks who up, who will do which errands so they can have the car - this is all part of raising a teen and staying connected with them.

You know how else you bond with kids? Take them on college visits.  Don't feel like helping your kid pay for college? At least help them figure out how they will manage a college education without your help. Help them fill out the FAFSA. (You can do this with him over the phone or a zoom call, even - I have done it with my college student that way. Share a screen and talk him through it.) Take them to their school's financial aid night, or college open house night. I don't care Dad that you live 1.5 hours away from your kid - YOU are the one who moved away. If you want a relationship with your kid you go to HIM and offer to help him do things that will help HIM. Kids don't exist for YOUR pleasure, Dad - you are supposed to care more about HIM than you care about yourself.

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The issue is you don't value Dad in your kids life having full custody.  With every other weekend visits you cannot do all the tings you list.  You simply don't get it.  Try having your kids 4 days a month and doing everything you are stating.  This Dad wants a relationship and is being refused.  The reason why these kids lose their Dad is because Mom's like you rationalize everything is more important to justify keeping the kids away from Dad.  Friends are not more important than Dad.  Nor is working.

It's kinda sad the only way you bond with your kids is driving them places.  How about spending quality time with them?  Or, did you teach them you aren't a priority either?[/quote]

Do you have teens? Please describe your idea of how a 17 year olds quality time with Dad Saturday and Sunday looks like in March of their senior year.

Explain what they would do this entire weekend, for example for forty eight hours of quality bonding time.

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80 miles from school activities, friends, PT job, etc. [/quote]

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