Reply to 17 Year Old Custody Schedule

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
He should refuse if he has no relationship with his child.  If the job, friends and activities are more important, then that speaks volumes of how mom parented him.  Dad is absolutely right to fight for visitation.  On here when Dad's don't fight, they are slammed, so according to DCUM, he should have gone to court.[/quote]

It is completely developmentally normal for a 17 year old to prioritize job, friends, and activities over spending 48 hours home with his dad. It shows poor knowledge of child development to think that a parent could build a relationship with his 17 year old by expecting him to leave his job, friends and activities half the weekends in a month, and just hang around with dear old dad.

Any parent who wanted to maintain a relationship with his teen - no matter where the child actually lives or sleeps or visits -- would need to understand that. The whole point or developing a relationship is to benefit the child, not the parent! Kids don't exist so parents can get warm fuzzy feelings by keeping them in the house, like a pet, to spend time with you, on your schedule, when you feel like it.

If it's dad's weekend with the kids, that means its Dad's weekend to help the kids have a developmentally appropriate weekend -- which means *some* family time, but mostly facilitating son's access to work, sports, social life, activities. Driving the kid (or letting him have the car) to parties and sports events.

I have full custody of my teens and can tell you the absolute best time for bonding with teens is when you are driving them places. If Dad really wanted a relationship with his 17 year old, he'd be spending 90 minutes driving his kid to events on the weekends, learning who was having a party and where they live...

THAT'S how you bond with teenagers. Figuring who gets the car and for how long.  My kids don't have a car but we spend a lot of time just talking logistics - who gets the care when, who picks who up, who will do which errands so they can have the car - this is all part of raising a teen and staying connected with them.

You know how else you bond with kids? Take them on college visits.  Don't feel like helping your kid pay for college? At least help them figure out how they will manage a college education without your help. Help them fill out the FAFSA. (You can do this with him over the phone or a zoom call, even - I have done it with my college student that way. Share a screen and talk him through it.) Take them to their school's financial aid night, or college open house night. I don't care Dad that you live 1.5 hours away from your kid - YOU are the one who moved away. If you want a relationship with your kid you go to HIM and offer to help him do things that will help HIM. Kids don't exist for YOUR pleasure, Dad - you are supposed to care more about HIM than you care about yourself.

[/quote]

The issue is you don't value Dad in your kids life having full custody.  With every other weekend visits you cannot do all the tings you list.  You simply don't get it.  Try having your kids 4 days a month and doing everything you are stating.  This Dad wants a relationship and is being refused.  The reason why these kids lose their Dad is because Mom's like you rationalize everything is more important to justify keeping the kids away from Dad.  Friends are not more important than Dad.  Nor is working.

It's kinda sad the only way you bond with your kids is driving them places.  How about spending quality time with them?  Or, did you teach them you aren't a priority either?[/quote]

NP and you are describing my child who struggles socially. You are not a kind and sensitive person.
Do you have active, social, althete teens? You don't "get" much time with them AT ALL.

My daughter leaves home at 6:45 for practice, is at school and practice and clubs till 6 or 7. Drives home to change then heads out to a meeting/game/dance/practoce/hang with friends/date/babysitting job.

Weekends she's also mostly out of the house.

No one “gets” their teens in the house for four full non school days every month. The kids are out there in the world.

If you want a relationship with active social athletic teens you get it in minutes when you can. [/quote]

If you kid its constantly out of the house, maybe you should consider why?

I have a teen who is in sports 4-5 days a week, plus another activity 2-3 days a week and we have plenty of time with them.   Clearly you don't have a very good relationship with your daughter if she doesn't want to spend time with you.  Why don't you have the kids to your house?  [/quote]

How do you have plenty of time?  Do you let them sleep? Are you counting two hours spent on homework every night as "quality time"?

Clearly your kids are social recluses if they are hanging around the house with mom and dad during their precious free time (non school, non-club, non-sports, non social event) senior year instead of going out with their friends. They must not be very popular. what;'s wrong with your kids exactly?[/quote][/quote]

Lots of kids struggle socially, including my own. You are really insensitive and unkind.[/quote]

NP but I don’t think it was very kind to ask PP why their kid was out of the house all the time as if to imply the kids don’t want to be around their parents.  So how about we try mutual kindness.[/quote]

Stop to think why a kid is never home.  Normally it’s because the homelife isn't very good.[/quote]

In both my junior & senior years of high school, I took 3 AP + 3 honors classes, worked 7 hours/week, went to xc/indoor track/outdoor track 5 days a week and was in 2 clubs. Also volunteered on the weekends.

My high school was only a mile away, thankfully.[/quote]

That's really unfortunate that you didn't have a great homelife.  Same going for your child.  You should do better.  And, that's a normal schedule around here and yet kids seem to manage to spend time with their families.  [/quote]

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