Reply to What happens to the "dud" husbands after divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do. [/quote]

This is just not true. It is not 1965. It is far easier for women [/quote]

Look, not every thing said on DCUM when it comes to men versus women is sexist.  Some of it is actually true.  Men remarry more quickly and more often than women in this country after divorce.  FACT.  That to me is pretty good evidence that they “rebound” more quickly.  [/quote]

ha! you don't remember  the little girl who wrote  that when she grows up she wants to be a widow? For a lot of women- unless they fall in love with a specific man, men are just a burden once they have their kids. Women have deep friendships, better relationships with their kids and generally seem to thrive more while single. I say this as a very happily married woman and I look forward to life with my husband but I'd never replace him, no-one else on this earth is worth the bother besides him.

I know a few divorced women and they are blooming and so much happier single- living their best life and it would have to be A very special man to make them get roped into having to do the groundwork of bing married again. being married means that you cant just put the rug, the lamp wherever you want, that you cant just have Tacos for breakfast and a Ferrero rocker fro dinner, that you cant go hey- this flight is cheap, I have childcare, im going to LA this weekend. You never wash any other adults laundry, or their dishes again, you never look at something lost or broken that someone else did. There is a lot of freedom in being a single mom in your 40s+, I know most women revel in that freedom and even the married women I know are kinda sick of their husbands in their 60s and just want to quit the "wifing" -being a wife is kind of annoying in a way that being a husband isn't. Thats why men get remarried ta higher rates- having a wife means someone is taking care of you, being a wife means you have to do the caring and most women are sick of that ish by the time they are that age. It isn't cute anymore- i didn't expect my husband to do a lot of stuff when we were in our 20s and 30s that I now expect him to d b/c I take care of my kids- he's an adult I don't want to clean his dirt up, its an irritant. I can imagine that as we get older my desire to take care of anyone else is going to shrink, not grow. [/quote]

I know plenty of divorced moms - from dating them - and I would hesitate to describe them as generally "so much happier single" or "living their best life" (a profoundly stupid expression). The majority of them are on anti-depressants and are in therapy. Sure, you may say "that's just the ones you are attracting" but they looked normal enough in their profiles and once you've encountered the tenth psychologically troubled older woman you have to think this is a trend not an outlier. But hey revel in your "freedom" I guess.

"You never wash any other adults laundry" - if you were a SAHM that was actually your job, but let me assure you that when I was married, I did my own laundry and the kid's laundry as well as cooking for myself. There was precious little of her "taking care of me" and I simply don't expect that from women.

"even the married women I know are kinda sick of their husbands" -- yes that is the consistent theme of DCUM Relationships, miserable peevish women complaining incessantly about their husbands. It is hard to imagine that divorce would make their husbands very unhappy, or that any other man would subsequently want to be around such a perpetually disgruntled creature.[/quote]

This thread is about dud husbands that didn’t communicate or do much in their professional life or home life to parent or help out. It’s in the title of the thread. What happens to them after divorce is the question. It’s not what happens to the women or about competent men. Start your own thread for another topic [/quote]

The response was absolutely on-topic.
The PP said that husbands are duds and divorced older women are happier without them.
The observation that divorced older women are not happier is entirely apropos.
Try to follow the argument better next time.[/quote]

I don't think anyone said that though. They were unhappy with their dud husbands. Where are you seeing women less happy than with their dud husbands? And how does this all relate to what the dud husbands are doing these days after divorce?

I'm the one who said I had to initiate the divorce because my husband was a sex addict and having sex with people in the house that I didn't know and who looked scary and it became too much for me. Then someone else followed that their husband was cheating regularly and still showing up for family dinners and she couldn't do that emotionally anymore. It isn't that we think we were not at all at fault for anything in the marriage. It just got to a breaking point where we knew our mental health was deteriorating having to live with that every day. I know I'm happier than when I knew about all the cheating. Probably better to say more at peace. There are other feelings besides happiness. I'm sure some women are fine with open marriages and I read about it here but I wasn't. That may not make me perfectly happy now parenting on my own and I'm sure I don't come across a year later as a super happy person yet. But it gives me more peace and I know I was in a situation I could not handle anymore and had to get out of. I also think initiating divorce is more honest and respectful than cheating.[/quote]

The PP said that divorced women were happy and "blooming". I don't see a lot of happy divorced women out there. I don't even know how you would measure their current happiness relative to their pre-divorce happiness, but they sure aren't happy now. Perhaps they just found new things to be unhappy about.

I don't think any of the comments pertaining to cheating husbands are relevant to this thread. A cheater is not the same as a dud husband. The dud husband is the guy who is lazy, boring, and unhelpful with the house and kids, but he is not guilty of any of the "triple A felonies" (adultery, abuse, addiction) that clearly justify divorce. I would not argue that you, or anyone who divorced a spouse guilty of adultery, abuse, addiction, is in any way blameworthy for divorcing that person and getting out of there. It is not guaranteed you will be happier, though - certainly my mom, who divorced my cheating abusive dad, was not happier after the divorce. She stayed mad at him for 50 years after going completely no-contact with him. But to return to the dud husband issue, again, women who divorced a dud do not appear clearly happier to me, for all the insistence on it in this forum.[/quote]

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