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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Wife should not give him a problem about taking his kid.  If it were the wife no one would be micromanaging how she would fill in the child care gaps; they'd assume she'd figure it out with the family's help.  OP will figure it out.  Wife was totally reasonable not to want to go but now she is being unreasonable.  Sorry, OP, I don't know how to handle when one parent thinks they are the boss of the kids.[/quote]
In a vacuum, I would agree with this comment. But OP has shown himself to be so unable to see any flaws in his own family and also such an uninvolved father, that I just can't. FTR, my DH took our 2.5 y.o. on a vacation with ILs by himself and I stayed home with our 6w old newborn. It was an annual vacation that his family takes, and I'm the one who suggested that he go with DD...it would not have occurred to him to insist that I come or to even leave me alone with the baby at that time otherwise. Even though DH and I both work, I'm very much the "default parent" and do a much greater share of the day-to-day childcare. I also know, from experience, that my ILs can be a little careless. Nonetheless, I was confident that DH would be able to figure out caring for our DD and it would be an overall positive experience.

I think that OP's wife might not feel this same level of confidence, based on what he's told us. But, I also think there's an irrational component to all of this. She doesn't like her ILs (for good reason, IMHO), and it's probably causing her to take an extreme stance on this. The likelihood of something bad happening to the toddler on this trip is vanishingly low. At worst, he might get tired and bored...but he will survive and not be forever traumatized. We're talking about December, so I think OP should just drop this whole discussion for a month or two. And in the meantime, he should maybe suggest they attend counseling to unpack the situation with his ILs and really try to understand why she doesn't feel supported BY HIM. Her issues with the ILs are secondary. OP is obsessed with understanding that interaction, but that one would be irrelevant if OP and his DW didn't have issues between them. I have my difficulties with my ILs, including the fact that DH behaves differently around them. But I've never felt unsupported by DH when it comes to ILs. I know he'd put my needs above theirs...so the rest doesn't matter. It makes it easier to visit them or have them visit us. And it makes it easier for me to take into account his feelings about his family, since I know he isn't asking me to completely reject my own self-worth to interact with them.[/quote]

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