Reply to Closed Adoption and found the birth mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP. I always thought adoption was a nice thing and was quietly against abortions.

After reading this thread, my opinion has changed :(

It just shows that despite your best intentions, the baby you give birth to might turn out with no moral compass. You can’t control how they’re raised. They might come back to try to destroy your life and family with their crazy sense of entitlement. And their family might support them on that.

Definitely one of the more depressing threads I’ve ever read on DCUM.[/quote]

There are thousands of stories where the adopted child returned, and no one's life was ruined. Ruination only comes from secrets, denial, and lies.When someone is shamed, they have to live in fear.

We need to understand that the idea of a closed adoption has largely passed. An open adoption acknowledges who is who,  while allowing all parties to make the best decision for a child without resorting to hidden information, lies, secrets.  That serves no one. If two people have a child, they have the full right to give up their parental right, but the fact that it happened is never expunged. The birth is avknowledged, the mother is not shamed, the birth father is also acknowledged and a part of the process, not some shadowy figure absolved of all responsibility because it wasn't evident to anyone. Instead these people are honored for their gift and their responsibility- not their dirty little secret.  Life ahead will be much more affirming for all. This is a good thing. [/quote]

Well clearly the idea of closed adoption is over now, since there’s genetic testing. People didn’t know that 20 or even 10 years ago when they made their decision though.

And you can argue all you like about how open adoptions are best for the child, and I think that’s obviously true. But it doesn’t change the fact that many women find themselves in a horrible situation (through bad decisions, bad luck, or sometimes even horror and tragedy) and the only way they were okay with the idea of going through with the pregnancy is to be guaranteed anonymity. Since they know this is no longer an option, I’d expect the abortion rate to go up.

It’s sad that some people like yourself seem to think that it’s more important for a person to be allowed to drop a bomb on someone’s life than to be given life themselves. The whole thing is quite depressing. I’ve always felt really bad for women finding themselves in the position of making this decision and now I feel even worse for them.[/quote]

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