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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] [quote=Anonymous]

Look, I work and will always work because my income is critical to our family.  But I do think you're being unnecessarily defensive with the guy by going on the attack.  I don't think he's telling you how to do things; he's telling you what worked for him.

My kids have been in daycare and nannycare all their life.  Do I think they had great childcare? yes, absolutely. Do I think that I would have provided it better? Absolutely.  I love them more than any daycare worker could, and I know more and am more educated than any of their childcare workers. That doesn't mean their teachers have been uneducated, or didn't love them. It just means I love them more, and would have done better.  It would have been perfect with me, but that's impossible. So we are going for good, which means high-quality preschools.  Good is fine.  Good is good. It doesn't hurt my feelings to say excellent is better than good but excellent isn't always possible. We'll live, kids are fine. Again, I don't doubt that your kid had great childcare. But to deny that care given by loving, educated mothers is not the gold standard is..sort of silly.  And I know why people bristle at this; we hate the idea that we are giving the kids anything other than the very best.  But that's the reality. We, well most of us, cannot achieve the best. We drive acceptable cars, we have acceptable jobs, we live in acceptable houses, there's always more perfect out there. We have it good.  Good is fine.  It's not as good as perfect or excellent, but that's OK, really. [/quote]

You really didn't get my post. He (and I don't think this was a dude, sorry, this was an unappreciated SAHM), ONLY listed the pros of their situation, without considering the other aspects.[b] I don't agree that moms need to be with their kids all day every day in the early years, or that is better. Fine if you think that, but not everyone does. If I did I would have quit work in a heartbeat but I think my staying in the workforce outweighed any of those advantages, and that is my point. Every action has a reaction and I don't think having a SAH parent for years is the optimum. I just don't. I think it work just fine, and I support women who make the choice (and men) but I don't think it is optimal. It does work better for some families, if the working parent works crazy, inflexible hours and the SAH parent really, really didn't want to work, for example. But I won't agree it is optimal for every family.

Our daycare workers were mainly young childless women with tons of energy and patience - most moms are not going to have endless patience for their own kids. Agree that it is best for mom not to rush off to work at 2 and 4 and 6 weeks which is a reality for some, but I don't think that is who we are talking about on this thread. [/b][/quote]

Precisely. The earlier PP's inherent assumption that having a SAHP is inherently superior was smug and annoying. I work, as did my mother and grandmother, and I do not think that decision means DH and I have settled for something subpar or less ideal for DD. Her daycare teachers have introduced some concepts that I wouldn't have tried to teach her at such an early age, I doubt I would have the energy to develop a weekly themed curriculm like they have in her current 2-3 year old class, nor could I teach her spanish, or provide the socialization. I do think it would be suboptimal if she were there 11 or 12 hours a day, so we stagger schedules so she spends no more than 8 hours there.  If we thought her daycare teachers were simply babysitting kids and not imparting any knowledge, care, or life skills, we would find a different provider. I can understand why some people choose to SAH, and that's great for them. But I do not think their kids are getting something better than my child; it's just a different choice for a different family.[/quote]

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