Reply to Making time for kids? Study says quality trumps quantity

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The saddest part about this thread is that some of the SAHMs who are so intent on making WOHM feel bad about themselves have daughters of their own, and will teach these daughters that they cannot both have a fulfilling career and be a good mom. Such a false choice. And when some of these daughters do try to maintain careers they've worked their entire lives for and also have children, these women will do their best make them feel awful about it. [/quote]

See, I've had exactly the opposite thought.   When the daughters of all gheae these WOHMs grow up, they're not even going to consider SAH with their kids because their mothers will have ingrained in them, from Day 1, that successful women simply don't stay home with their kids.  Instead, they pay other women (lesser beings, in their books), to do the actual childcare. And that is so sad, that these women will never have the support of their own mothers to raise their kids the way they choose, if that way includes staying home with them.

As a SAHM, I'm planning on supporting my daughter in any way I can, whether she chooses to be a WOHM or a SAHM, or any combination of the two.  But I'll absolutely be teaching (and showing) her the value and importance of having a SAHP.[/quote]

Do you actually know any WOHMs really well? You talk about them as if they are a different species that you haven't studied well. Most of the ones I know don't sit around judging other women for their choices. And they certainly don't fit this fantasy nit-SAHM picture you paint. All I want for my daughter is for her to know that she has choices and one is to SAH and one is to WOH. And I want her to be happy with her choice.[/quote]

Agree, but I hope that by the time she is planning on having kids, that there will be enough change in govt policy and the workplace so that she won't have to make a hard choice. I am grateful that I work in an environment where I received at tremendous amount of time off, paid, and have a flexible schedule (university professor), so that I have been able to have children AND pursue a fulfilling career. Yes, my husband and I need a nanny--not just me, as he needs childcare so that he can go to work, too--and she is wonderful. But, she does not have a PhD, loves working as a nanny, and is well compensated for her work. We don't consider her a lesser being, and we are so thankful to have had her in our lives for several years now. I think that many professional women feel the way I do. I do wonder sometimes if women who choose to SAH have "given up" without pursuing alternative options, and I wish that they would have petitioned their own businesses before quitting for better options for working families, but I don't look down on the choices they've made.[/quote]

When it comes to SAHPs, you seem to be missing the point.   Parents choose to stay home with their kids because this is how they want to raise them - not because they were somehow out of options.  Having a SAHP is the option of choice in families that choose to have one. [/quote]

No, I am not missing the point. You OTOH seem to be ignoring a huge block of well-educated professional women in cities like DC who had to make a hard choice between a career they loved but that required hours or travel incompatible with having a balanced family life once they had children. There are some women out there who gave up their careers because they wanted to SAH, but for many women who went to top colleges, graduate programs, and did well in their early careers, they make the choice with some reluctance. The choice for many is not so starkly black and white as you paint it.[/quote]

Well, let's see.  As one of those well-educated (yes, top college and grad school) women who did very well in my career, I happily chose to SAH once my husband and I had children.  It was a choice we were fortunate to have and I am grateful every single day to have this time with our kids.  Interestingly, every SAHM I know comes from a similar background (well-educated, prior-professional) and also easily made the choice to stay home - so rather than "ignoring a huge block" of women like myself, I'm actually speaking as one of these women, and I'm surrounded by them every day.  My neighborhood and children's schools are full of highly educated SAHMs.  At some point, many of us will return to work, but for this time in our children's lives, the choice was indeed simple enough:  did we want to continue on the fast-track with our careers and rarely see our children?  Or "lean out" in order to "lean in" to our families?  While I know some women do find this a difficult decision to make, and often choose to continue working, the SAHMs I know aren't staying home as some sort of "consolation prize" or "last resort."  It's a very fortunate situation we find ourselves in and we're absolutely making the most of it.

It seems you equate being highly educated and having a high-level career to be incompatible with enthusiastically choosing to SAH with one's children.  Among the women I know, this just isn't the case.[/quote]

I WOH and I would never characterize my situation as "rarely seeing my children." That's the kind of shit that SAHPs say that just pisses me off. I have never once come on and here and throw shit at SAHPs. I believe everyone should do what works for them. And I certainly don't take pot shots buried in a post. [/quote]
How about you should do what works best for your kid?[/quote]

"Them" meaning the entire family. What a piece of crap you are.[/quote]
Because your ultimate priority should be optimizing your child's development?[/quote]

Somehow they managed to develop just fine, and my daughter was recently placed in advanced classes in school. Does that work for you? I know it pains you to admit it, but kids of working parents actually thrive and develop just like kids with stay at home parents do. Sorry to break that to you. You don't "win" parenting just because you stayed home. Kids with parents who love them win. Period. [/quote]
No one "wins" at parenting just because of their primary location, be it away at the office, or at the family home.

It's just a bit harder to love your kid from behind your downtown office desk five full days a week. After all, loving your kid takes a lot more than that warm and fuzzy feeling you may have, as you glance at your family photo on the wall.

[/quote]

I'll give you a hint. It's not hard at all to love your kid from anywhere. If your kid has to be in front of you to love him/her, the problem is you. How sad for both you and your children. You are beyond nasty, so I can't fathom you referring to anything as a warm and fuzzy feeling. I'm sure you read about that somewhere, but you certainly don't know what it is.[/quote]
I'll share a fact. Your kid needs to FEEL loved. GL with that if we aren't much there.[/quote]

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