Reply to Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?

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Reply to "Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I tend to understand where your sister is coming from, both because of the competitive nature of high school varsity sports and because it would seem unfair that the sister's schedule was considered but not the brother's schedule.

That being said, the answer really depends on the particularities of the team and coach. It would be WONDERFUL to assume that all teams and coaches are mature enough to recognize that sometimes life events happen and players need to miss a game and that they shouldn't be penalized for it. Unfortunately, that's not the case. I would say that's actually incredibly rare. So if there is even a HINT of that, I get why both the nephew and OP sister have made their decisions.

This all may sound crazy to people. And it may be screwed up values and wrong ... But unless OP's sister wants to take on the coach, it may just be the way it is.

OP, I'd be understanding and try to have a little make up celebration next time you see him![/quote]

Why is it ok for a coach to be unforgiving but OP not to be disappointed in the least? In all this, I think I blame these coaches most of all who pass judgment on new players for missing one game or a preseason tournament to affect an entire career in sports. Why are there so many bad coaches like this if they have so much love for the children and sport?[/quote]

I agree. And by "career" you mean high school and a small percent chance of college and the tiniest fraction of a percent beyond that.  I think that is where the problem is. Parents push these kids into this competitive dilusion of stardom. Thousands of dollars, picking the right coach, one on one lessons, getting on the elite team, making varsity at freshman. Shipping off to camps and showcases. Most kids are a dime a dozen and no amount of fine tuning will ever get you the stardom. You either have it or you don't. But parents truly feel this tension of "what if I didn't do enough?" And I bet her sister projects this anxiety back onto her son too. Those both feel it is a make/break moment in his "career" and that is the truly sad part. Kids these days no longer have fun.  They are prepped from the age of 2.  Lives scheduled meticulously and this false hope of stardom.   Coaches are high stress because the parents want the best and in their eyes the more the better.  Push, push, push. [/quote]

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