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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]Unfortunately the standard is now that you work FT and handle all logistics, planning etc. 
[/b]
I don’t recommend having kids unless you go in with eyes wide open about this.

Even if your husband is supportive of you staying home, it’s a terrible move because it places you in a precarious position. [/quote]

^^This. You need to realize, OP, that you are competing with women who will provide to a man all the benefits of SAHM (bear the mental load, handle all the newborn stuff while healing from a major medical event, clean, caretake, be first line of defense when kid is sick) and also be pulling in a few hundred Ks of salary. How do you market yourself to be more attractive than that?[/quote]

Are women really competing to marry men like this?  Why would anyone put up with this if they were capable of pulling in a few hundred KS of salary? At that point it makes absolute sense to me to save and plan for single parenthood ( as a PP suggested) while remaining open to finding the right  partner.[/quote]

It’s not that they are knowingly competing for it. The engrained societal expectation is that most women work and handle everything or most things related to kids and the home. [b]If you’re fortunate you’ll have a DH who takes on some tasks but he will do 30-40% of it max and you’ll need to assign him responsibilities. All the mental load will fall on you. [/b]Most young women in the marriage market aren’t aware of this. Ignorance is bliss until you’re a FT mom with young kids or you’re earning $0 because you had kids.

A few years ago I posted on here that I didn’t see how I could keep working my high earning/demanding job and have the second child my husband demanded. I shared my husband earns around $500k which could have influenced the responses attacking me. The consensus was that I’m unreasonable and my husband should/will leave me if I insist on quitting my job to have the second child. Some comments went as far to say my DH should find someone else to replace me and gladly work while having two young kids.

The sad reality is that most women don’t have the income to properly support a family on their own. Some do, but most do not. A man is still a ticket to more income and income to support the kids. 
[/quote]

[b]Stop telling people this because it makes them think that they have no choice but to marry losers like this. It just isn't true that there aren't any good men out there.[/b]

Also, if your husband is DEMANDING that you have a second child, your husband is an AH, I don't know what else to tell you. But guess what? Some of us aren't married to men who only do the bare minimum or who need to be assigned responsibilities and we sure as hell aren't married to men who would demand that we have another child.

Young women reading this - if you want to marry a man like OP who will agree that you should stay at home, that is fine, just be sure that you find one who is on board with that, because not all men are. And if you want to marry a man who will agree to do his half of childcare and house management because you both work, that is also fine, just be sure you find one who is on board with that, because not all men are. But don't settle and marry some loser who will demand that you have kids and then not help with them. It would be better to be single and childless than to be married to someone like that. Bottom line - know what you want, make it clear, and be picky. This is the rest of your life and your children's lives that you are signing up for. It should not be a decision to be taken lightly. [/quote]

Women on here claim to have husbands doing 50/50. But I’ve never actually seen this in real life. While dads do a lot more than previous generations, it’s still the moms I know throwing birthday parties, handling sick days, planning the family vacations etc. Even when the DW is the higher earner. Almost all studies support this.

It’s disingenuous to act as though men doing 50% really is the norm. 
[/quote]

Ok so what's your suggestion? That women just settle for men who don't do their share?

I don't know why you're calling me (or any of the other PPs) liars, but my husband does do 50%, actually maybe more than that if I'm being generous. [b]One of our kids is in PT (they're in middle school now so sick days are a thing of the past) and he has been the one to take her to the last 8 appointments.[/b] I have only done 1. I know other men who do at least half. One of our best friends works, his wife does only very part-time, he also drives the kid more, cleans the house, and plans everything. His wife is subject to migraines and he is a Type A who does well with lots of tasks.

If it's not the norm for men to do half (and I never said it was the norm, by the way), then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. But telling women to just suck it up and marry these losers doesn't seem like a good answer to me. It's certainly not what I'm advising my own daughters (I don't have sons). [/quote]

Who identified the need for PT, handled the discussions with the school for the 504 or IEP, vetted options for a physical therapist and chose one to work with?[/quote]

First of all, it's PT for an injury, so there is no 504 or IEP involved. Second of all, he called around and picked the physical therapist and chose the one to work with that he liked the most and that had the best availability and location. This injury is new to both of us (i.e. it's not something that either one of us has experienced before) but he has absolutely taken the lead on it. I did the first appointment with the ortho because he was out of town, he has done all the PT appointments, he has done the follow-up with the ortho, and he is taking her for the MRI next week. Sher has PT twice a week at the location and then has to do the work every day - he is the one who follows up with her on that and does it with her.

I don't understand why you are looking for ways to try to prove that my husband isn't an involved father but please tell me why. I have literally never taken my kids to an eye doctor appointment, he has done them all. One of our daughters just got contacts and he has handled the ordering of them, driving to school when one of them came out in the middle of the day to help her get it back in when the nurse couldn't help, scheduling the follow-ups, etc. He is the one who planned the dad and daughter weekend get away this summer (with his dad friends) - he used our joint calendar to plan it and then he scheduled boarding for our dogs (he will drop them off and pick them up) so that I can have a true vacation at home with no other living creatures in the house. He's the one who got new tennis shoes for all the kids when he noticed that one of the pairs was looking ratty. He's the one who handled all the school paperwork for end-of-the-year stuff. He's also the one who did all the school supply ordering at the end of last summer. He's the one who attended the parent-teacher conferences this year, not me (normally we both do it but this year I was pretty busy and he said not to worry, he would absolutely do them himself). Do you want me to keep going?

We both work from home, both of our jobs are flexible, we both make about the same (it has flip flopped over the years). One difference is that I tend to have more video calls whereas his are mostly over the phone, which means that my schedule can be slightly more demanding because it's more difficult for me to take a call away from my computer. We take turns getting up with the kids and dogs in the morning and have done that for years. If on his morning they have a field trip and need to have a lunch packed then he'll make sure the day before we have whatever each kid needs for their lunch. The men he is friends with are also very involved dads. We are all highly educated and had kids in our 30's so we intentionally and carefully chose our partners and had kids because we were all on board and wanted to do so. I don't really know what else to tell you. I'm not the only one posting on here that my husband does as much as I do, and there's no way we're all lying (and for what purpose?). So I suggest you make peace with the fact that there are great dads out there. And again, explain to us why you're so determined to argue against this idea.[/quote]

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