Reply to 19 year gap - Will everything be okay?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP: I don’t believe that finances will be an issue. He has a $26m NW (BigLaw & generational wealth) and he’s promised me a prenup. His kids (17/g & 14/b) like me (though some might think I’m closer in maturity to them, I’m more aligned with him in terms of maturity and life perspective). I don’t have daddy issues—My dad is a great dad, not all women who date older do, I just prefer older. I’ve dated older men since college (not seriously) but I never expected to fall for one. Now I love him, we’re making plans and he wants more, marriage soon and kids as early as possible.
 Health during old age is my biggest concern, not old age itself. While he’s healthy now and doesn’t have major health issues in his family (parents are early 70s and pretty healthy), I can’t ignore the fact that the age gap means he’ll be much older health wise and I’m unsure if that’s what I want long term. I’m hoping for at least 20 more years of good health though, but that isn’t guaranteed.[/quote]

$26m isn't that much when you subtract three (four?) college tuitions, the cost of raising one or two more kids, plus his retirement and eldercare, plus yours. This is where people get into a crunch-- he's getting a lot closer to the end of his working years (because you can't assume he'll be healthy enough to work until 67 or whatever), and his expenses are about to spike.

I think the main problem people run into is that there's not enough dad to go around. How is he going to parent young kids with the level of hands-on a woman your age expects, plus also be a good father to his teenagers, plus also work enough to pay for all of this? It's a lot and he's only going to be less and less energetic. People get into these situations with the best of intentions, but sometimes the circle just doesn't square. Having a lot of money helps, but it's also just one more thing to fight over-- and believe me, his teens will eventually figure out that their inheritance decreased dramatically when you married and with each subsequent child. People will flame me for this and say nobody's entitled to an inheritance, which is true, but you can't show up in their lives and do that and expect them to be happy about it. You need to be realistic.

Assuming your PhD isn't going to get you a high-income job... [/quote]

This is when I f**kin hate DCUM.  That someone could type “$26m is not that much when ______” for ANYtHING is so absolutely clueless and enraging.[/quote]

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