Reply to 19 year gap - Will everything be okay?

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[quote=Anonymous]I was going to reply to you with the true information that my parents were 19 years apart and we were married for 40 years until my father died. He was 43 and she was 24 when they married. This was in the 60s, and it was certainly not frowned upon in a huge way at the time. But neither of them went into the relationship with the right frame of mind. She was looking for a savior, and he was looking for someone to rescue, and an unequal footing like that is never great for a marriage. Nevertheless, it lasted, and they did love each other very much, though it was a very rocky marriage. The biggest caution I have is that they kind of met in the middle in terms of their functional ages. She aged very rapidly and acted like a woman in her 80s when she was in her 60s. He did the opposite. He was always much younger in function than his actual age. He actually worked full-time until he was 80 because he had that much energy. So I would say the marriage and kids kept him young, while we all made her very very old. She died at 73.

But my cautions for your specific circumstances are way, way worse than that. I am a stepmother who started dating my husband when my stepdaughter was 14, five years after his divorce from her mom. DH and I are the same age.  We didn’t get married until she was 18. But it was really, really hard. Really really times infinity hard. She is now 31 and we are only just starting to get to a point of equilibrium.

I cannot imagine how much MORE she would have hated me if I wasn’t the same age as her dad but instead was only 10 years older than her.  Do you really want to parent someone applying to colleges right now?  That is MADneSs.  She will loathe you, and loathe you five million times more if you have new babies with her dad.

No.  Absolutely no no FFs run away.

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