Reply to Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Let’s say the other moms didn’t like Ashley: their options were to pretend to like her or to break up with her.

I think it’s less mean to break up with her.

Ashley should find good friends who like her.[/quote]

But apparently they did the mean third option: pretend to like her to her face, even attending events she hosted and telling her that if she was included in certain activities it was an accidental oversight, while secretly disliking her and talking shit about her behind her back.

Agree she should find friends who like her, but having been through this myself, it's a real mind***k when you get out of a friendship with people who were fake nice to you while being nasty behind your back, and it makes you feel really unsure of yourself entering into other friendships because you are often thinking "well is this real though? is this person being nice to me because they like me or just because it's easier than being direct with me? can I trust them and share personal things with them or will they use that against me and gossip about me with other women when I'm not around."

This is why mean girls suck. The damage they cause is not confined to the relationships they poison with their bad behavior. It lives on.[/quote]

Doesn't seem like they pretended to like her all that much if they didn't invite her to multiple things. Also, she saw them to do it to another person. Pretty insane that she witnessed that and then thought, oh they'd never do that to ME![/quote]

If they did nothing wrong, what are you so worried about? [/quote]

Why are you so insistent that Ashley had no part in what happened? You can think whatever you want to think, as can I. I find her lack of self-awareness/ownership of what happened to be illuminating. I also think they all sound awful, and I don't disbelieve what she's saying happened. I just imagine she left a lot out, including her own behavior that wasn't so great (I mean, if they iced out another woman and she didn't call that behavior out/leave the group at that time then she's also culpable for the toxicity of this group). I can't stand people who don't acknowledge their roles in things that happened. And I am NOT talking about actual victims of abuse, so don't try to twist my words to say that I'm victim blaming. This is petty, immature, stupid drama, not something like real abuse. And I find her article to be pretty tone deaf, which is ironically what she was then accused of being. Not defending that post by the husband, that was childish, but it's ironic that my thought upon reading what she wrote was then echoed by someone else.[/quote]

She may literally not know what she did to offend. Which goes back to the gaslighting. If her friends had a real issue they should have told her directly. Maybe they did and she's a lying liar but likely they said nothing and took the passive aggressive route. But why are you so convinced she knows exactly what went wrong?[/quote]

Where did I say she knows exactly what went wrong? I'm saying she hasn't seemed to look inside at all to figure out what role she played in the toxicity of the group. She acknowledges that there was another woman who was iced out but she didn't care because it wasn't her. She mentioned that, however, to buttress her point that that's what these women did to her, not to take any ownership in what went down. Also, the kind of people who always act like they have no idea what they did are sometimes the worst kind. Doesn't mean the others aren't also bad, not at all. But from what I know about her (which is taken entirely from the content of her article since I previously didn't know who she was) is that she sounds very lacking in self-awareness. Maybe the other people are as well, I don't know, they didn't write anything (except Hilary's husband, so definitely seems to be lacking in self-awareness).[/quote]

Ok. She wrote the essay she wanted to write from her own experience. You wanted her to write something completely different based on your own preferences. I guess it's not for you.[/quote]

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