Reply to Husband annoyed at taking his injured daughter to urgent care

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, thanks for the helpful replies. To clarify I am a SAHM, we have two kids. I should have added it was the toddler’s bedtime when they left for urgent care and [b]I’m always the one to put him to bed and I nurse him before he goes down[/b]. If I’m not there, he won’t go to sleep until I come home, so I thought it would be more stressful on my husband to stay with the crying, not-sleeping toddler than take my daughter to urgent care. Yes, I am working on weaning my toddler so bedtime can be done by anyone, we just haven’t quite gotten there yet.

I’m regards to the nosebleed, I was the one to get up with him when it happened but this one was worse than usual and I couldn’t get the bleeding to stop and the toddler was scared and crying loudly, and that woke my DH up when he came storming in angry that he had been woken up, instead of being supportive or caring. I am always the one to wake up with the kids at night for whatever reason. I am the default parent in all medical stuff, bedtime waking, discipline (bc misbehaving stresses DH out), and I generally keep the peace at home and try to keep everything low stress. But I resent that I can’t even lean on DH in an emergency, or to just provide basic parental care when it’s needed without worrying about how he’ll react.

Also DH works from home at a cushy low-stress well-paying job so I can’t blame work stress. We have some other stressors going on in our lives right now but they are affecting us equally and I’m managing not to lash out at the kids. [/quote]

You've created a not great dynamic in your house. I'm not excusing your husband's behavior because yelling at a toddler (how old are we talking?) about something they can't control isn't ok, but it seems like you're one of those who has set themselves up as the everything parent and your husband isn't prepared to step into a parenting role. I'm not saying that's your fault, but I do think you need to be acutely aware of this situation because expecting him to handle things when he never handles things isn't going to work. It's one reason why my husband has done everything I've done for our kids for the last 12 years, minus breastfeeding (but he fed them bottles so we each fed them half the time except once he went back to work and I was still on maternity leave although then he still fed them when he was home). There's nothing one of us can do that the other can't. That's not your setup so you may need to make some changes if you want your husband to be a parent.[/quote]

Is it also OP’s fault that he is unable to follow medical advice and take their daughter to the doctor? Is it also OP’s fault that he yells at a sick toddler?

It’s amazing how this single detail is seized on to blame OP for ALL of her DH’s poor behavior. [/quote]

Ok, feel free to rage against all the posts suggesting that OP realize her potential role in the current situation rather than taking the piece of advice which is that OP has a role in what is going on. You can define that role however you want - is she a totally controlling mommy martyr who never let her husband do anything with the kids but now wants his help? Is she someone who married a guy who said he wanted to be super involved with his kids and it turned out to be a lie and she constantly begs him for help and he ignores her? Is it something in between? We don't know, but I think acting like OP is purely a victim and has no role in her life and no say on the future isn't helpful. [/quote]

Ok Aunt Lydia[/quote]

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