Reply to COVID Lockdowns Were a Giant Experiment. It Was a Failure.

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[quote=Anonymous]Nobody who needs to hear this will. But the biggest problem for the first 6-9 months was that we had too many (ever hardening) opinions and too few facts. I do complex data analysis for a living. I was more prepared than most to take contradictory, imperfect information and make rational decisions.  And I was in no way, shape, or form prepared to make the range of decisions I needed to for myself— and much more importantly my kids. Lots of people had opinions about what I should do.  And they got ever louder and angrier and more hardened. But if you were trying to make evidenced based decisions, there were just  too many unknowns.

In retrospect, having my college kid start on campus, in person in fall 2020 was the right call. At the time?  Way too many unknown variables to make an informed decision. In the end, it came down too: am I more concerned for this particular kid about a possibly catastrophic cascade of cases when a bunch of college kids come together and his physical health being threatened because the small town healthcare system is overwhelmed?  Or I more worried about the long term mental health consequences of him spending a year in the basement at this point in his life, given specific challenges he had dealt with in HS?  And there were two crappy choices.In the end, I took a breath, said a prayer (and I am not religious) went with his mental health and sent him. But it was terrifying. Nothing went wrong. The college contained COVID very well, and it was the right call. BECAUSE WE GOT LUCKY.  Not because I was smarter, or a better mom or am better at gauging risk.

2020 was the year of decision overload. Every day, there was a new decision to be made with very imperfect information.  You can only make complex decisions about something as emotionally taxing the welfare of your kids in the absence of good information for so long before you burn out. I couldn’t. So most people gave up on assessing each decision and went into a “COVID=death” or “COVID is NBD” default position. And then hardened that position. Because if they were wrong, that were hurting their kids. And for a mom, that’s a horrible thought. So we all knew we were right because the alternative was so bad.

1.1M deaths.  Millions more with Long COVID.  Then again, years of learning loss and mental health issues for kids. My musician kid who did virtual lessons and didn’t play her instrument with another human being for a full year.  Reality is we overreacted in some ways and undereacted in others.  And, that there is no painless way out of a pandemic.

But here’s the thing. Fauci isn’t evil.  Republicans and Dems aren’t evil. Teachers afraid for their health weren’t evil. Parents who were watching kids struggle and wanted teachers back in classrooms weren’t evil.

Now, I’m not talking about a year+ out, when we had vaccines and actual data, and mutated weaker strain. But, in 2020, most people did the best they could in stressful circumstances with limited information.

We would all do well to have some humility and empathy for other people with concerns different from our own who were also doing the best they could. And if your family made it through 2020 with everyone’s physical and mental and economic health intact, take a “there but for the grace of God” moment and realize that you weren’t smarter or morally superior because your kid made it through distance learning in one piece/ returned to school and didn’t bring home a virus that killed a member of your family. You were lucky. Full stop. And there are 1.1 million grieving families out there who were not.

Because when this happens again— which it might in our lifetimes, I still don’t know a better way to make decisions for my kids than what I did in 2020.  But I do know a worse way to make decisions— and that’s with hubiris and with the assumption a future pandemic will  behave like COVID and that because my family was lucky this time they’ll be lucky again.

TL;DR:  if your family got out of 2020 in one piece, it wasn’t because you were  “right” and “they” were “wrong”.  We simply did not have enough high quality information for you (or anyone) to make smart decisions. You were lucky.

Peace Out, DCUM

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