Reply to Holding my boundary. Let him be mad.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find this thread so interesting. In most threads everyone likes on the husband that doesn’t do enough around the house, with the kids, etc. And all studies show this is the case, even more so when the woman is the breadwinner (like OP seems to be). For some reason , people have taken what appear to be legitimate complaints about the lack of a real partner and turned them into “bad mother who doesn’t deserve to have kids.” I don’t get it.

Sure, there is all kinds of advice about extending grace, not scorekeeping, etc, that would be excellent advice if the husband wasn’t a jackass, but it sounds like he is one. And the OP sounds like she is past the point of no return on this marriage. So what might have worked three years ago isn’t going to work now.

Once you are at the point where you wish your husband’s plane would crash on his biz trip so he never came home (which is what this sounds like), you really just need to find a divorce lawyer.[/quote]

My marriage came back from that point. I know that's weird, but it did. My husband legitimately stepped up. The answer was my being far more selfish and willing to leave. And I'm a much more fun wife now that I sleep enough and go to the gym regularly and generally take care of myself, and he gets to enjoy that. [/quote]

OP has not mentioned one redeeming quality about her husband at any point. It's all negative. It's hard to imagine what she saw in him in the first place. What is there to come back from?[/quote]

All I can tell you is that my marriage was in, if anything, a worse place and it got better. And that it didn't get better because I got more accommodating. [/quote]

Are you the person who keeps mentioning the pride, power, pleasure shtick? You still haven't said exactly what you did to turn things around. And I know my husband would die laughing if I told him he only did things that connected to those things. As if he derives that must joy from laundry, dishes, garbage, wiping butts.[/quote]

I am not that person.
Relationship therapy was a big part of it. [/quote]

I am the 3P poster. The fact that you found that one unicorn of a partner does not change the lived reality of most married mothers. If your DH were the rule, and not the exception, women would not routinely post in distress about doing far more than their spouses.[/quote]

That's not what you said though. You said men only do what they can connect to the 3 Ps. That's laughably stupid. They may not do as much as their spouse but they certainly do shit work as well. [/quote]

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