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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks to everyone who has provided support and advice. I don't ever remember feeling this much pain my life except when someone I know has died young. And in a way, this is a death as well.

I got the full panel of STD tests this morning. I have retained a divorce lawyer for a consultation next week. I have also retained a private investigator who is beginning surveillance immediately.

At least that will give me some information before I make any decisions.

I cannot eat and I just want to sob but I am trying to act normal.

As I have been surreptitiously doing all these things this morning (which feels gross, as now *I* am telling lies about where I'm going and whom I'm calling), he has been very loving toward me and the kids, as usual. Made them waffles because there was the school delay. Put away a bunch of laundry. Told me how much he appreciates all the love and support I've provided him lately during a stressful period in his career. Making plans for the holidays.

I feel like I am talking to an alien. I have no idea who this person is.

I think I am actually OK if he has sexual needs I cannot fulfill. I could perhaps come to a place of understanding on that. What is not OK is lying to me all the time, giving me an STD, and possibly impregnating or falling in love with someone else.

In reflecting on everything, [b]I have also considered that he is getting a giant payout from his business in early January and I am thinking I am not going to do anything at all until that hits our joint bank account, which by the way I control. God forbid I confront him and he redirects that money to some other account. I worked hard for that money too and contributed a lot to his ability to earn it. I feel like I have no idea who I am even dealing with now.[/b][/quote]

Smart.  What are you going to do if he wants sex between now and then?[/quote]

First of all, there's been a noticeable dip in our sex life in the last month, though I think or thought that is because we've all been sick with various illnesses plus he has had an injury. So he might not ask at all, as he is still recovering from that, or telling me he is still recovering. Plus he is going to be on business travel some of the time, and we'll be at family some of the rest of the time, so I'm hoping there won't be too many opportunities.

Second, we always use condoms anyway, because we really, really do not want more kids and he hasn't had a vasectomy. I see now how him not getting a vasectomy gives him a reason to keep using condoms with me, which in his mind probably solves the STD problem from his behavior. It would be interesting to push him to get the vasectomy and see how he reacts, since that would remove any reason to use condoms. However, I am aware that condoms don't protect you from everything.

Beyond that, I don't know. It would be hard for me to have sex with him right now, so I'd probably lie and say I have a yeast infection or something.[/quote]

If you don't want to be paying child support/paternity cost to another woman and have your kids' inheritance split, you'd be wise to push for that vasectomy STAT.[/quote]

So much this.[/quote]

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