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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, how did today go?[/quote]

OP here.

First thank you to the many kind and wise posters. It sounds silly, but these have been the most emotionally painful days of my entire life, and these posts provided comfort and helped me think more clearly. I am grateful.

My STD panel came back negative. However, for reasons that are too complicated to explain here, I'm very sure HE has an STD now. And he definitely did not get it from me. So there's more evidence of what is going on.

I am speaking with 2 lawyers next week, planning to retain 1. I am also looking for a therapist. And I have hired a private investigator to track his movements.

I have decided not to confront for a while, though it is very hard. I want to observe, I want more information, and I want to think.

I am very hurt and starting to get more angry. But I also love this man and think he still has many good qualities. I think it is unlikely he will change this behavior, even with counseling, based on everything I now know and see, so it is a question of what I can accept.

When I talk to him, eventually, I think there will be 3 options presented to him:
1. Divorce (and I will give him the name of the attorney I have retained). 
2. Stay married as friends who co-parent. Our sexual relationship is over. He is free to do what he wants outside of marriage as long as he is discreet. But I will not be put at risk of STDs. And frankly it is just gross to me to have sex with him while he's also doing it with anonymous partners. As far as I am concerned he has unilaterally ended my sex life, which is sad.
3. Get in counseling and work toward changing his behavior and rebuilding trust. Possibly on that basis resume a monogamous relationship.

I am pretty sure he will choose 2 or 3. I think I prefer 2 for the time being, as I am not sure he can ever do what is required for 3. And i don't want to give him the power to ever hurt me like this again. But we are best friends and our kids are happy, and that could be enough to make 2 work. I am not the jealous type and if he needs things I can't give him, so be it. But he has to get a vasectomy and there are some other measures I would want to put in place like a post-nup perhaps, to protect the kids and me financially if he goes that route.

Anyway that is where I am now. I am crying a little less but still feel like I am carrying around a 100 lb. emotional backpack all day. I wake up in the morning and am happy for a few seconds and them remember everything and feel so so sad. Thanks to all.[/quote]

OP the thing to realize which you are about to find out that when you end your sexual relationship with a man you end your financial relationship also. Protect yourself. He will not protect someone he is not sleeping with. Not even the mother of his children.[/quote]

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