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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a single woman who adopted an older child from the foster care system. One of the local agencies handled my adoption. My daughter moved here from out of state when she was 10 years old. Hands down, the best thing I've ever done. Hands down the HARDEST thing I've ever done. I think the hardest things have been (1) being a solo parent (2) having a kid with some special needs, which can be tough to navigate. However, I have lots of support from my friends, our therapists (we have two!), our schools, and my adoption agency. Money was a very serious concern for me, and in that way, older child adoption was great. It only cost me a few thousand dollars to adopt, and I continue to get financial support to take care of my child's health insurance and other needs. I'm listening to her sing in her room right now while she is doing homework, and those moments of knowing she's happy just fill my heart and make it so much easier to get through the tough times! My advice: Build yourself a good support system, learn to ask for help, be hella organized with all the paperwork and stuff, and be a FIERCE advocate for your kid. Older child adoption is incredible - I highly recommend![/quote]

Kudos to you. You are an example of what adoption should be about - finding a home for a child in NEED no matter their age.  Not finding a baby for people who WANT one. [/quote]

It is not bad to want a baby. It is, in fact, very normal ;especially if you understand the importance of the first year of life.

It still makes me sad that there was any part of my child’s life I did not share. That is not selfish, it is love. [/quote]

The selfish aspect is the priority of adoptive parents over birth parents. We need to shift away from the savior construction and more into the welfare of families who want to be families.  [/quote]

NP. I think that shift is already taking place both domestically and internationally which is why there are many fewer babies available than in earlier eras - 
[url]https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2021/10/adopt-baby-cost-process-hard/620258/
[/url]

Foster care systems like DC's are also very focused on family reunification.

OP if you are still reading - I echo prior posters that if you are able - considering donor embryo/embryo adoption/etc is a great alternative option.  I didn't think adopting a baby would be the best ethical choice for me (I'd hate to have been able to adopt a baby because another mother was pressured to give hers up, agree that supporting  mothers in keeping their kids is best, AND compared to all the other potential adoptive parents out there (and there are so many that want to adopt babies)  didn't really feel like I was the best candidate.)   Also foster care is meant for family reunifications - not sure I could emotionally handle attaching and then needing to let go and also I have my own trauma history and being a foster parent/adoptive parent of a child who experienced developmental trauma seemed too hard without additional support of partner (which I don't have) or family and not best for the child.  I really respect people who are able to help a child in this way but again it didn't seem like something I was best suited for with my history and resources.

I had wanted to do embryo adoption but when covid hit I ended up doing another IVF cycle with frozen donor egg add-on. My child is double donor conceived and I am happy with this decision. I'm also grateful for the biological connection that pregnancy/birth gave us.  The big advantage of double donor is that DC will have the option of contact/meeting her donors at 18 whereas the embryo adoption scenarios I was looking at would have been anonymous (but although anonymous is most common,  this is not universally true - it can depend on the source of the embryos.)    It was more expensive  (both the openID sperm was more expensive and using frozen eggs instead of existing embryo was as well)  but I really wanted to give DC that option and feel priveleged that I was able to borrow money from a family member to do so.  I still worry about potential exploitation of the egg donor which higher risk in US than the international scenario I was looking at preCOVID but just hope that the egg donors consent was fully informed and that it went well for her.   I think if you are using a fresh donor you can have more control over the contract/ethics of the scenario but in my case the eggs were already frozen.   There can still be identity issues. It seems that most adult donor conceived children who are vocal on-line found out as adolescents/adults and felt a sense of betrayal  but that when you are open about their origins from the outset then it is much better for the child and the overwhelming majority feel positive or indifferent about their conception (Data still being collected as it is more recent that it became standard to recommend letting children know at a very young age.)  Assuming you yourself don't have an alcohol or drug problem you also don't have to worry about lasting health effects due to prenatal exposure to alcohol/drugs which can be common in foster/adopted children.

It is an absolute joy to be a parent and I wish you luck in whatever you decide. 
 [/quote]

If you'd never adopt or foster, why do you have to post long  winded rambling comments that are not on topic?[/quote]

I absolutely would consider fostering if I had a partner. I would also adopt from foster care. I just was responding to the multiple prior suggestions on this thread about embryo adoption etc. [/quote]

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